A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Met this guy for over a month. I play hard to get, he creeps under my skin really smoothly. I set boundaries, he runs on all fours after me. He drives a long way to see me whenever i can squeeze 30mins with him. We have great chemistry, our minds think alike. He offers to do chores/run errands for me and my friends. We talk daily for hrs. He is very restpectful of my boundaries and so he wins by trust. He introduces me 'by accident' to his 2 older brothers. And to his best friend. And to his cousin. Eventually we spend a couple of nights ina 5 stars hotel, a bid of his to win my trust, by lieing in the same bed cuddling with no sexual advances. At the end of it, i go on holiday, yet we declare eachother bf and gf.On holiday, he calls me and tells me this:HE is of an indian religion ( which i knew) but for one year his family r pressuring him to go back to india and marry a girl set up for him. He had this pressure before meeting me yet he had delayed going there.He says he felt the need to be straight with me so he told me now so i can decide for myself. ( a bit cheeky i think.. but still, i appreciate he could have never told me this).He says he had NEVER EVER felt this chemistry and crazyness and good fow any other person than me. He can't understad it and he thinks im his soul mate. He wants to never let go of me. He says he will hunt me down and never let go of me.One of the things i appreciate abt this guy is that , not only he is very intelligent, he can also tune into me and we can discuss and analyse everything about our behaviour so openly, like we have been together for decades. It's not excitement, its just deep contentment and understanding. Its crazy..I told him I appreciate him teeling me now. Also, I dont do married men, I dont feed on anyone;s crumbs. He vows he will make me happy and will never ever leave me alone since he knows i am the one for him. But there is also family pressure, to wich he doesntknow how to react.I have 2 weeks holiday.I need to decide very soon., before this goes any deeper. Obviously, i wont slide into anything in some secret hope he will pluck courage to stand up to his family. religion is a dodgy thing in these asian cultures...Shuld I give him an ultimatum, although it can seem a bit premature, since ive known him for just 5 weeks?SHuld i tell him its either me as his main one, in front of his family and everything, or nothing?He has been callingme daily ( im in a different country now) and crying on the phone on me for hours. I told him to cool off for a couple of weeks and we'll decide when i get home. Is an ultimatum the wisest thing i can do for myself?I do feel for him a lot too :-(
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best friend, cousin, on holiday, soulmate Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): Wow!! This man is a SOCIOPATH! i shud know because I have recently come out of anh almost identical situation to yours which lasted FOUR years and culminated in us having sex one night and him totally changing character on me (once he got what he wanted!). Rythmnandblues knows her stuff! you should take her advice on board and tread VERY carefullY!
Best Of LUck!!
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (20 August 2009):
 He's sweet on you. Sounds to me like he doesn't want to marry some unknown quantity, and he sounds like he's fallen for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah he says he can read me pretty well. well lol not anymore. thank you guys for your feedback. as an exercise and to not feel belittled by him, i will ask him to show me to his mum within the next month. see what he throws on or how fast he runs the other way lol.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 August 2009):
 Rhythmandblues gave you such a great answer, I hate to follow her. I can only add a couple of thoughts. One is, this man has done this before. No one is that smooth and that persuasive without a little bit of practice.
I'm wondering if he isn't actually married already, and is lining you up to be his mistress. Have you ever been to his house, where he lives? Do you have the direct phone number to his house or is it all by mobile?
If he is not married, and is telling the truth, his family are not going to accept you as a daughter-in-law. You're simply not of the culture and this will be an unending conflict between him and his family. You would be the cause of that and that is not a good place to be. Do you enjoy drama and strain and upset? Because that is going to be the order of the day when dealing with his family. I sincerely doubt he is going to choose you, whom he has known for 5 weeks, over his family. Just not going to happen.
Enjoy the fantasy, and hope to god you haven't just unleashed a stalker. I personally would run the other way in this case. It is going to end in tears, as my mother would say.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, rhythmandblues2. I have decided to give him an ultimatum. If there is 'such' love for me, then there shuld be no problem in showing me to his mum. This is what any ballsy courageous man with integrity that means what he says would do. So it will be ultimatum time soon.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): If you can analyze your behavior and that is the topic of your conversations, you are just providing a road map on how he can learn to manipulate you later on even better, so great that you won't know what hit you until it does and you feel like crap. I think he sounds creepy, not wonderful and intelligent.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Wow, I am really worried for you and I am probably going to say some things that you aren't going to want to hear.
This man really scares me, he is telling you he will hunt you down and never let you go, he feels you are his soul mate and you have known him 5 short weeks.
He sounds like a manipulator to me and that is why he seems so close to you, he may even be a narcissist, when they first meet a woman they set their hooks in her very quickly by revealing a lot of profoundly personal stuff and they watch for your reactions and mirror what they see back to you to gain your trust. They willing do errarnds or anything else you want from them. This is called the honeymoon stage.
Once they get you, however, living with them or married or a kept woman, the abuse starts, they start a process of devaluing you after becoming so dependant on you and you slowly lose your sense of self and self esteem.
This is the pattern of manipulation of a narcissist.
It is just no possible to be "in love" in only five weeks, sorry, not possible. In lust, in infatuation where you "project" your own ideas of love and perfect love and how this person just seems to good to be true.
I think you need to run fast the other direction....big red flags are waving right in your face in through the phone. You don't even share the same culture and religion, how could he even really know you or you him?
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