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male
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writes:Susan(32) is a woman I met last year(September 2007) and we went out for a couple of weeks in Early to mid June.She had known each other for months when we started dating.The dating started when a mutual friend suggested I ask Susan out as Susan had told her she was attracted to me.We dated a couple of weeks but then Susan backed off saying she was not ready for something serious.We kept contact during summer but had an argument in September of this year when I told her that she couldn't keep me hanging; she would have to see me as a BF or we needed to end it. I was no Ok with being friends, I felt it was insincere.She said that she found me attractive but couldn't seem to proceed. I told her this is gibberish and stopped contact.A few days ago we see each other on Facebook(we are friends) and I say hello(She has sent a message a few weeks past).I joke about how another female friend of mine is pestering me at the moment and Susa answers that "She is pestering you because you are handsome".I felt she was just playing games or making fun of me , so I didn't reply.She then tells me about her buy schedule and tells me that we should arrange to go to her church some Sunday(she is a church goer).I politely decline, telling her that church on sunday morning conflicts with my Saturday night debauchery:)Anyways, I don't want to be pulled in again, especially on her territory(church).My question is what does this lady want?Has she re-thought us and wants to establish contact again by inviting me to church or do you think she just wants to see if I an still into her as an ego booster?What should be my next step?Note: I like her but I won't be her backup.Thanks for your help,She replies
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reader, jh23  +, writes (10 October 2008):
Hmm, I think there could be two explanations to this situation:
a) Simply that she sees you as a friend and you obviously like her as more than a friend. What you see as confusing behaviour she sees as trying to rebuild your friendship. Remember the last contact you had with her was an argument.
b) As you said when you argued that you wanted to be her boyfriend or have no contact, and as she has said she finds you attractive and has invited you to church (not my personal choice for a date!) I would say it's not entirely unreasonable to consider the possiblity she could now be ready for a relationship and is trying to find out if you are still interested in her. Has she told you why she wasn't ready for anything serious when you were dating?
I definately don't think she's using you as an ego-booster.
I think you should take her up on her invitation and see how she behaves. If the opportunity presents itself you could ask her if she's ready to date again. Or even tell her before you go that what you said in September still stands.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (10 October 2008):
 I would say she doesn't want to date you, but wouldn't mind you as a friend. Why does that have to mean you're an ego boost for her? Not being funny but most women get hit on buy guys regularly, keeping you as a mate would serve no purpose other than because she likes you as a mate.She might well think you're attractive, ive got loads of attractive male friends, who are attached and single, it doesn't mean I will date them.
There could be a multitude of reasons she doesn't want to date you though. Maybe she doesn't want a debauchery guy! lol Maybe she doesn't want any guy right now?
I wonder if you are complicating a simple situation?
C xxxxx
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