A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When she let you down sometimes and has severe mood swings, insults you verbally and acting angry towards you, without a serious reason, what would you do to handle the situation?( my attempt was just ignoring it....)For example: she gets made about something, like really pissed and refuses to talk about it, stays in that mood for days and nothing you do can change that....not being nice, not offering to talk about it...Sometimes she apologizes for being so complicated and I am such a good guy handling it without getting angry, but she never changes.....it´s been like that since we started dating( 7 month now). She gets mad, frustrates me, but I am not showing it and after a while she apologizes and wants to see me again.....On the other hand, one wrong word can make her explode and her mood swings for 180 degrees, from nice to raging.....it´s like walking on eggshells all the time with her and I am running out of ideas how to deal with that....( I really love her and we can have a great time together. Unfortunatlly these good times has become less and less lately.....)I tried to talk to her about it in a calm minute,but she doesn´t want to. She said that she talked about the issue in her earlier relationships and don´t want to anymore....( I don´t even now what the issue is..)to add: she is very selfish and can be cold like ice.What to do? Suggestions welcome!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 January 2014):
 While it might not feel good right now, I think it's ALWAYS important to NOT allow people to treat you badly or with disrespect. So ending it was the right thing, because no one should have to suck that up.
I hope the next women you met will treat you with as much love and respect and you treat her.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate.
First, I don´t want to be a hero, saving her and I am sure that, no matter what I do, she`ll not going to change.
I think I should have set my boundaries more clearly and calling her out on her behaviour.
I asked her and she wasn´t willing to talk about the issue, just said that´s its complicated.....so now its over for good.
I was patient long enough and I tried to find a solution without losing my temper, but that´s it....
I knew it before her and now for sure: Talking about things is the most important thing an relationship!
Thanks for all your writings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): "If there is a problem, we can talk about it ( that´s what I´ve leaned as child).
But for some reason she doesn´t."
Your parents probably taught you that's the only way to solve problems. So how can you ever resolve an issue with a person who won't talk?
OP to be brutally honest with you, you're just her little bitch. She's the boss, you're just her doormat who will tolerate her abuse and keep coming back for more.
She doesn't need to talk about anything with you because she knows you're too weak and she's the one in control. She can do what she likes to you and you'll just take it and hope you can keep taking it.
Your hope is that it's just because of her last break up? It's been 7 months, are you really that stupid or is it the love talking? Do you have no concept of a persons' behavioural history?
If it's just her ex and her last break up then why did she have to talk about her rotten behaviour with all her other exes?
It's simple OP, you're beyond our help because you're ignoring us, all you want to do is tell us how bad she is and explain her behaviour and hope we can come up with a reason for you. The reason is simple, it's who she is. So just cry me a river or stop complaining.
I apologise if you think I'm being harsh on you, but we've tried the nice reasonable approach and you're still here exalting how bad she can be like it's something fascinating to you more than it is a bad thing.
Sounds to me like you're a co-dependent martyr type that thinks he's somehow great for sticking by this emotionally damaged woman. Maybe you think you can fix her or she'll change. Well you've a long road ahead of you until you figure that out, because nothing we can say to you is going to make any difference.
Best of luck OP, you'll need it. Hopefully when this is over with you will take the lessons and learn them, and not be left a bitter worn out mess. "Heroes" always have to pay a price.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (14 January 2014):
 You must love her to have put up with her attitude. You need to tell her to get her or its over.
She is either a bitter woman because of something that has happened in her past or she has very bad PMS or she is Bipolar. Regardless of the problem she needs to get help.
If you stick want this woman, take a break from this relationship and tell her when she gets help you will consider coming back.
This is not a healthy relationship and neither is it fair on you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried to stay calm, and even when her words were insulting, like meant hurtful, I never took them personally. If there is a problem, we can talk about it ( that´s what I´ve leaned as child). But for some reason she doesn´t. Maybe it´s cause her last breakup (which is now over 16month ago) left her confuessed and hurt. She has a big ego and still suffers from it sometimes…. I don´t know. She said that we have such a great connection and that I understand her so well. But her behaviour never changes…..it´s up and down, like a rollercoaster. And she doesn´t talk. Once she got really mad about an attempt of mine for physical contact and said that a partner has to anticipate if the desire for getting close is there at the moment or not…..what?There is no chance to discuss with her. The only answers I got so far were:” I don´t care”, “ I don´t want to talk about it” and “Your wish to talk annoys me”……so there is no base to really figure things out with her.It seems to me that she avoids to talk about heavy topics, like the reason for her mood swings, or why she gets angry so easily.As long as I behave like she wants, everything is fine, but as I mentioned before, one word can change the whole situation....
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (14 January 2014):
You should dump her. She's not going to change and she doesn't want to.
Sounds like she just has a bad personality: no patience, short tempered, and mean.
You could do better.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 January 2014):
You have a few options.
Live with it, accept her for the way she is and stop asking her to talk about it find a way deal with it.
Or, spend a ton of money and wait a few months or years while she goes to therapy.
Or you could do the reasonable thing and leave her. It will only get worse with time and suck away your life force. You'll be lucky to live to 55. When you are on your death bead you'll be happy for the first time since you married her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): "She said that she talked about the issue in her earlier relationships and don´t want to anymore."
Do I really need to explain to you what means, OP? She has a long history of being this way, it's who she is, it's who she's pretty much always going to be.
OP what is it called when a man treats a woman this way? That's right, domestic abuse. Aggression, name calling, insults, she's an abuser and you need to get the hell away form her. You're being mentally and emotionally abused by this woman.
Don't fall for the mean/sweet cycle crap, OP and no just because you're a man and she's a woman doesn't mean it's not full blown abuse. Don't make the mistake too many people do in your situation and hang around hoping she'll change or you can finally get through to her.
OP no one can take this kind of crap for long, don't try and play hero with this woman or you may end up bitter and resentful.
Seriously OP, spend a bit of team reading about domestic abuse, how it works, how it starts, the patterns of behaviour, you don't need to beaten up regularly to be suffering abuse. You've gotten your warning now OP, don't let love make a fool of you. Like many others you may not come out the other side the same person and you may not like the person you've become. It's time to walk.
Only a doormat would ever let someone treat them this way.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 January 2014):
I would end it. She isn't even willing to talk about it let alone fix it or TRY and fix it.
Walk away, this is HER issues.
Can you imagine her as a mother? Let alone a long term partner?
Why waste more time on this doomed relationship?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells. One aunt suggests talking to her about it. She doesn't like to discuss her reasons for the mood swings, and she can be cold and selfish.
This girl is incompatible. You may see some things in her that you like. Yet you admitted the good times are becoming less and less.
It isn't your responsibility to figure out what's wrong with her, or how to fix it.
Before we commit to a relationship, we have a responsibility to make sure that we present the best of ourselves. You don't go in half-assed with a take-or-leave it attitude. You're a calm and patient guy. You've tried to be understanding. That deserves consideration and respect, not more of the same bad behavior.
It has been only seven months. That is more than sufficient time to get to know someone. It's becoming hell.
She has serious issues to deal with. She needs time to introspect and repair her attitude. She does not deserve a boyfriend right now.
Dump her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): Whether she wants to hear it or not you need to let her know if she carries on treating you so awfully you will end the relationship. I wouldn't say it as bluntly as that as it will probably trigger the silent treatment but I think you need to sit her down when she is calm and tell her that it is hurting you every time she flips out. Reassure her that you love her dearly and would rather support her in solving this but that she has to take some steps and show you she is trying not to take out things on you.Rather than exploding at you she needs to speak about her feelings and if she needs time to cool off then she needs to take it. But as your partner she needs to explain her actions otherwise you are left frustrated and confused. Maybe she needs to see a doctor, it sounds quite extreme. Lots of women experience mood swings due to their hormones, but what you're describing sounds more than that. Has she got a history of depresion? Or experienced traumatic close relationships (with family or an ex) that has led to this behaviour? Things to consider. There has to be something that made her the way she is.I used to have random outbursts people blamed on being a teenager, but it was because I had been abused and told no one and felt so helpless the littlest thing could make me angry because I felt so alone anyway, and angry inside about what was happening. I'm not saying she's been abused but I just think there might be an issue. Once I opened up to my bf I calmed down with everyone, maybe she has something she needs to talk about?It's tricky, but I imagine you'll be there for her but she needs to see the damage she's causing and try to solve it. If she can't herself then she should discuss it with a doctor who can then give her, or send her to someone who can give her, techniques to manage these outbursts whatever they're related to.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (13 January 2014):
What to do?
Lets see - she's needy, selfish, and cold. Sounds like a real keeper there.
Dude, seriously - how many times you have to bang your head against the wall until you realize its not a good idea?
Dump this leech and move on.
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