A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Having recently seperated after 21 years of marriage I met an amazing young lady on the internet during December last year. She is eleven years younger than me - I have three kids two living with me - and she has not been married nor has any kids. We email regularly and sms each other a few times a day and chat every other day on the phone. We live 400km apart though and only see each other every second or third weekend. During her last visit we enjoyed the most incredible sex - first time having waited as initially she said the physical attraction was not there yet - the next day she was withdrawn - said she had a lot of discomfort due to the intensity and duration of our lovemaking which she was not used to. I had flown her down for the visit at my cost and I wondered whether she felt obliged or really wanted me. She said she looked forward to lots more practice and getting in tune with me sexually - that I was great etc. She returned home and the cooling period stepped in - she told me that was becoming flexible but had issues about marriage, sharing a bed etc. She now tells me she is concerned as she feels I feel a lot more for her than she does in return and this has an impact of her not being proactive wrt the physical side of things - kissing, sex etc.What is going on? Is she scared? Is this the beginning of the end for a relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): I would be inclined to say that if a relationship is meant to be then these problems of one-sided distance would not happen, at least so early on in the relationship.
With the long distance too, you both need to be emotionally open and available to each other for the relationship to grow and be strong. Her emotional distance though will eventually lead to your own self-doubt and insecurities towards the relationship, it is not a path you want to go down.
When people distance themselves, we, like you are doing, like to find a reason in that they are just scared. But we must judge people on their actions. For example, if someone chooses to not emotionally open up then that is because they do not want to emotionally open up.
I think you should give the situation a little more time.
If she wants to be with you, she will open up to you about her concerns. If she does not, she will continue to become more distant. Either way, you will know with more certainty where the relationship is heading.
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