A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had this crush on guy and decided it'd been a while since our second date so I wanted to ask him to do something for a change. He always text to contact me. I wanted to talk but decided to first text him see if he was busy. He was on his way to an evening exercise class he takes so I said give me a call when you finish. He said "OK". I text at 5pm he didnt reply back until next day at 10am. And he texted "Hey Boo, what up". Hes never called me fake/mushy names before and it felt like he was just saving face. I wanted to ask him to go to an art event with me but I was just put off so I said (which is true) I'd asked someone else to go with me that morning (but I would have gladly canceled with them BUT I was so put off by how long he took to reply). I would have replied back that night had he contacted me... because I like him. So even though I said I was going with someone else I asked if he wanted to go to a festival with me. He said how he was going to be busy (It was a good reason). I said "Thats okay. Thank you for the reply" He said "no problem. I miss you!" I dont know why but it sounded like bullshit to me lol. Im annoyed and I wont contact him again and probably will blow him off if he does contact me. I replied back "haha sure you do" and that was the end of it. I was a little hurt and sad about it and I dont want to be pining after someone who doesnt feel the same way I do about them. He doesnt contact me between dates and I felt like his choice of words were so playerish. Game peeps game lol! His actions just really altered how I felt towards him. So I figure I am too invested and I should not care how long he takes to reply. So I started looking for other guys to hang out with. If it hurts my feelings that he didnt call or even text same night, and I guess it shouldnt have hurt me then what am I doing wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): I've been in a similar situation in the past. You text them and they don't reply straight away, then maybe a day goes by and they still haven't replied so you start to feel angry, confused, upset. You start thinking to yourself is the guy really worth it or is there something wrong with me, you feel upset. Then your phone goes off and it's a text from him, in that instant you forget about him ignoring you and treating you like crap because he replied and you end up giving him the benefit of the doubt yet again.
He's playing games and probably has a few girls on the go. I'm sure he likes you, is attracted to you but that's about it. I don't think there are any serious feelings there on his part i think he probably just wants a bit of fun with you.
You haven't done anything wrong apart from getting too attached to a guy who, by the looks of it, wants to play the field.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 November 2010):
 I agree with the other poster. He says he'll call and doesn't. You sit waiting, and he doesn't even acknowledge that it was wrong by not calling, and without apology. You don't need a guy where you are there only at his convenience. You'll find someone, and he'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Player could be the right term to use, or just immature in general. Either way, I don't think you need to wait for him to come around.
One error. Don't invite someone then invite the one you want to spend time with, and tell him that you did that. You reduce how he would see his importance to you when you do.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 November 2010):
 What you're doing wrong is spending too much time worrying about a guy whose primary means of communication with you is via text. You're not wrong for wanting another date or trying to get to know him better. Nothing wrong with that.
Maybe a big clue to how a guy feels about you is how much time he is trying to actually SPEND with you. Texting doesn't count. Texting is a few seconds of "thumbs on the keyboard *send* okay now I can get back to what I was doing in real life", and what he's doing in real life isn't trying to find ways of asking you out. We see it time and time again here, people get big expectations from texting but then it turns out the other person was just not that into him or her.
Texting is a cheap, low energy, potentially high reward way of keeping someone stringing along. "Oh look, a text!" Zing, you get a shot of endorphins, he's texted you! You text back, and wait. Even if there is a big space in between his texts (he's going from hanging with his friends to a night class to hang with his friends again to breakfast at a cafe to a library to study) you still get that ZING! again when he texts.
So, be forewarned. A guy who is really into you will want to spend time with you, not just send random (if funny and amusing and sweet) texts. Texting is cheap. ACTIONS. Look at his actions, don't be diverted by a bunch of characters on a phone's screen.
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