A
male
age
36-40,
*wc1985
writes:So, I'm a 25 year old male virgin. I know, as sad as that sounds, I was overweight for most of my life and have recently lost a lot of weight and have begun experiencing the confidence boost and attention from females that comes with it. Anyway, I've started getting sexual with this one girl. She's older than me (29). I'm able to get an erection during foreplay and making out, then the second she gets me naked, I go limp as a noodle. This has happened on three separate occasions, and I've yet to be able to keep my erection in order to have sex with her. I've never had a problem getting an erection when watching porn, thinking sexual thoughts, etc. Is this some sort of psychological block I'm experiencing with her? Am I attributing too much to the act of finally losing my virginity that I'm putting too much pressure on myself? She's been very understanding about the whole situation and she makes me feel comfortable, but I'm still not able to stay hard for her.
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confidence, erection, foreplay, limp, overweight, porn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye  +, writes (13 July 2010):
It's first time anxiety, it happened to me too. Get her to suck it to bring it up and once hard go for it.
Ps, sex is never as good as you think it will be before you have it, although it's still pretty great!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 Maybe you need more intimacy and confidence. You don't describe her as your girlfriend, and maybe your body is telling you that this is not what you want, that you want a proper relationship? Or it is presentation anxiety, that many men experience especially when it comes to their first time with a woman. They get nervous and scared of failing and so go limp.
I think you need to focus less on the "yes I am going to fuck her and loose my virginity!" and instead focus on the "this is a woman I care for and she cares for me, I want to be intimate and close", and then don't think about actually having sex with her. If the sex comes then that is fine. If it doesn't happen this time around, then that is fine too. Let the main focus be intimacy and you two being close, caressing each other. If you feel ready you can try to move on to sex, but don't let sex be the main goal. Maybe that will help ease the pressure.
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