A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. He's currently in med school, and about 6 hours away from me. He did his post-bacc program at this school last year, and now he is in his first year. Even though we're 6 hours apart, I still consider us to be in a "long distance" relationship since I don't see him for months apart.Last year wasn't so bad, but this year has really taken a toll on our relationship. I've noticed a significant change in him where he will start throwing some sort of fit out of nowhere and say he feels I don't love him anymore or I'm losing love for him. It's quite bizarre because he's never acted this way before.Just to give you a quick summary of myself - I work as a full-time Engineer and I am a part-time student pursuing my Masters Degree. So you can only imagine the amount of time I spend at work and when I'm not at work I'm at home studying and doing school work. I am stressed to say the least.Anyway, after he throws his fits, I explain to him that I have my responsibilities too and hope he can understand. He'll apologize and then say that it's because he's just so lonely and it's because he's so far away from me. Ok understood. Well, our fights have increased greatly these past couple of days. Earlier I asked for him to make time for one hour so we can talk it out. He said he was going to go out with his friends and he'd be available by 11pm. Even though he called at 11pm, he basically fell asleep while I spoke to him. Whenever I would catch him falling asleep, he would get upset and just curse at me and say "what the fuck do you want from me? What did I do wrong to you?". Trust me, I'm confused too. I understand he's tired, but I'm tired too but I am willing to make time for him. I want to make this relationship work so bad, but it's so hard because he's making it so hard. This relationship has been draining me. It seems he's not understanding that I have my priorities too. It also seems that he's only focused on himself and the attention he wants. I love this guy so much, I used to never be able to picture myself without him but now as I sit here, I'm thinking that I am afraid I'm losing my love for him.Is this worth the try? 7 years is a long time, but I just don't want to waste any time if he's not willing to try to make this relationship work. I have been making it clear that we both need to work together to make it work, but it seems that he thinks he is the only person at fault here and thinks I'm blaming it on him. I'm just tired... tired of the yelling. Tired of the cursing. Tired of repeating myself constantly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2018): Sorry, you did say love him. But you "used to" never be able to picture life without him. That you're afraid you're losing love for him. I guess you have.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2018): Stop trying to blame him for his feelings. He's the one who feels you aren't putting enough time and effort into the relationship. Your educational pursuits are no more demanding or important than his. If he can still find time for you, he'd have a right to expect you to find time for him.
I mean, you can let it go months apart?
" I'm just tired... tired of the yelling. Tired of the cursing. Tired of repeating myself constantly."
You don't have to. No my dear, you're tired of the long-distance relationship.
End it, and complete school. My now-deceased partner of 28 years and I, had to pursue our educations in separate states. He attended law school; while I sought my BS after serving in the military full-time. We traveled weekends and holidays, driving or flying. We stuck it out. We made it work. The strain got to us now and then; so we stayed focused to reach our goals, while holding-on to each other. The difference? We didn't fight about it. We knew where we were going and what lay ahead for us. You two don't.
You're holding-on out of habit, but you didn't mention the word "love" one time throughout your post. You don't want to let go of having it all. Your advanced-degree, the engineering job, and maybe a doctor for a husband. Maybe destiny doesn't have that in-store for you.
If you love each other, you'll find a way to keep him happy and to fulfill your dreams. Otherwise; the strain will pull you apart. The love just might not be strong enough, or you just can't give-up on the dream of having it all. You really could end it at any-time; but you still like the prospect of having a doctor for a husband on top of being an engineer. I'm sure that thought has crossed your mind.
He hasn't proposed after seven years; because he doesn't think you're as into him as he's into you. Maybe you're not.
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