A
female
 ,
*uzie767
writes:Hi im a 23 year old female. I have been with my bf for 4 years now and we have a 5 month old baby.im really unhappy in this relationship and have been for some time.he is 11 years older than me and has a long past some of the more explicit details of which he has shared with me (threesomes etc)he has neglected me for all of the relationship and after a fight a few years ago he went out with and kissed another girl (a friend of one of his ex's) which i had to find out from a friend (also one of his ex's)im now at the end of my tether- all i want from life is to be happy and all i feel is pain and sadness.i have talked to him a lot about this over the years and he has barely ever seemed bothered. i threatened to leave him a year ago and almost had another place lined up and he didn even react. i threatened to leave him again a few weeks ago and only now is he telling me things will change. i am yet to see much of these changes. is he worth wasting any more of my time on?
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female
reader, Help!Me! +, writes (12 May 2007):
Aww bless you. I think you should wait til your husband is gone, phone your mother and ask her to collect your baby, and when He gets home, sit him down and leave him. Dont waste your time on him, you obviously deserve someone better, and you WILL find him. Your Baby deserves to have a Mother who isnt in distress coz of its Dad. Live with your Mother for a while, when you meet a great guy, stick with him. Eventually you will find someone who loves you and your baby, someone who wants a family and loves you alot. Like smoking, the first 3 - 4 days are the hardest. If you leave this man you should go to your mothers and bar his number from your house phone, so you cant call him and he cant call you. If he comes round, dont answer the door. Its too late in the relationship for sorrys and things will change. You have a baby...he hasnt noticed your in distress. This is a bad marriage. The guy who you WILL meet and WILL Love you alot will be able to look at you with the biggest smile on your face and the dryest eyes in the world and say 'Whats wrong? Your Crying.'. And THAT is the man you want. I hope all goes well with you and your baby.
A
female
reader, Suzie767 +, writes (12 May 2007):
Suzie767 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you for your replies.my son is definatly the reason that i am still here.i suggested couples counselling but he point blank refused to even consider it. it is the same with everything. he wont discuss things then it escalates to an arguement- then there is months of arguements then i finally get him to see that i cant take it anymore and he agrees to it.i have to endure this for him to even take me out to a restaurant. i had to get into a LOT of debt and change my job 3 times due to being over committed in the house we bought together before he would even consider combining our finances- i wasnt even allowed access to his account ( he is in no debt of course)i dont love him anymore- he has killed any feelings i had for him. does he just not care about me or is this just who he is? he is so generous with everone else and if you aksed them they would say "***** would do anything for anyone"- but not for me
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A
female
reader, Suzie767 +, writes (12 May 2007):
Suzie767 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your replies- our son is definalty a factor in my trying to make it work. and i think its the only reason that now hes even bothered about how i feel.i mentioned couples counselling and at first he point blank refused to even consider it then after 2 weeks of me sleeping on the sofa he finally said that he would go- its the same with everything.we dont go anywhere unless we have had months of argueing about it beforehand (not just holidays it takes this for him even to take me to a retaurant)- im in a lot of debt due to being over committed with the house. for 2 years i have been asking to combine our finances rather than having 2 seperate accounts ( he is in no debt) and only a few weeks ago did he agree to this. i try to talk to him and he wont even discuss things then after arguement after arguement he finally agrees.i dont want to live my life like this anymore- it means that when he finally agrees to something we have argued so much about it i dont even want it anymore- which is how i feel about counselling.i agreed to give him 3 months to prove that things have changed for the sake of our son but this is killing me
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): I am sorry, I referred to your bf as your 'husband'. Forgive my error. Best wishes and good luck in what you choose to do.
Irish
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): Maybe he isnt feeling bothered by it becuase he doesnt believe you will really leave, i say he had enough chances to clean up his act, hes a big boy and your obviously not happy which you deserve to be, i wouldnt waste any more time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): The major factor in this relationship is that your husband apparently seems 'not bothered' by your unhappy feelings. He is unmotivated-changing long-term relationship issues is very hard, even when the person who needs to change, wants it desperately. Your husband sees the problem but has no interest for the changes you want. He sounds like he has gotten a tad lazy. Plainly put, your encouragement to change is of little use. Irregardless ot all that, I need to tell you that yes, he is worth wasting more of your time on, dear. I will tell you why. You both now have a child together and when you have a child which means a family, one does not just roll over and give up. Your relationship is floundering, he doesn't make you happy, due to neglect. Let me ask--do you love this man? Is there any chance the two of you will be able to heal the issues surrounding this relationship because there really, really is a lot at stake here?? You have not mentioned couple and family counseling. I think you both owe it to your baby to get yourselves into relationship therapy. Could you try negotiating through some counseling with a couples counselor who is committed to healing broken relationships? Because a happy, stable relationship is necessary for a healthy environment for your baby. Is it worth on elast try with a professional? I guess what I am trying to say is: Dear, you have a family. Before you walk away, please try to negotiate and compromise a happier place for yourself with this man. Perhaps the only way to make your bf understand how unhappy you are, is to have a counselor mediate and explain it to him. Try this route first before just walking away. A family is worth saving and if he's a good Dad..try hard to save this relationship.
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