A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Oh, dearcupid, I had to turn to you...Thank you for taking the time to read this. It has just kept repeating in my head and I am left wondering if I was just too hasty.I was dating a guy, who I really liked, quite a bit. We have fun together, the sex was good, I found him attractive, and there was a good flow between us when were not fighting. Things were going well, but he would make subtle comments about my weight. For example, I was talking about how I sometimes felt like I wasn't too heavy, to which he responded: "well your weight is acceptable." Or when I would mention something about my weight, he would say: "Just don't put anymore weight on." Another time he was talking about a friend who wife was heavy and said: "no wonder he doesn't want to have sex with her, she is so fat...(sidebar, sidebar) she's bigger than you." And lastly, I once was talking about how much better my body was when I was younger and jokingly (although I did not find it funny) he said: "yeah, and now look what I am left with." I mentioned these things, and he concede he was not being sensitive, and would try to change. But he also said he didn't really realize when he was being insensitive. The comments just kept coming and frankly, I was trying not to let it bother me, but it was. Was I being hyper-sensitive?The next thing that happened, I got into a big argument with a family member, and the said some horrible things to me. So, when I turned to him, he kept suggesting for me to go to a support group for dysfunctional families (he has gone and it has helped, and we met at another support group, just to give you some background) but all I really wanted was for him to listen to me and to say something supportive and kind. So, I told him exactly that and he texted:"I am being supportive by telling you to a support group. And don't forget to bring your awesome fat ass over." I was so frustrated, I just told him I needed to be around support and love, and that I would talk with him the next day. Later that night, I felt bad that I pushed him away, I knew he was trying to be helpful and I didn't mean to hurt his feelings either. So I texted him goodnight..and he did not respond. He didn't call me the next day either, I finally decided to ring him at night. During this conversation, I was trying to explain why I pushed him away, and somehow during our talk (and I don't remember the context at all) he said: "I am a handsome guy, girl's approach me, do you know how hard it is for a man to refuse a women. But I do, because I know better." This comment bothered me and the next night when he texted me at midnight (sex time, right) it just came out and I texted: "I was thinking about the comment you made about how hard it is to refuse a women. Thinking you should text one of them at midnight." He started to break-up with, over text saying: "I really don't thing this relationship is working out."I ended up calling, not to save anything, but I knew those were some breaking up words and I didn't want to be left with all my feeling...I needed closure, I need to say my piece, and so I called. I told him that if he wanted to end things he could, that I just called because I wanted to get my side out and not break up over text. We ended up not breaking up. He felt bad the next day, said he was trying to break-up with me because he felt he did not deserve me and he has a low self-esteem. He brought flowers, and things went forward. During our relationship, he also had an issue with my ability to not reach an orgasm. I was not able to climax with him all the time, a good 30 percent, but I made it clear that sex for me was about so much more than an orgasm. This was a bit in the air, along with all the other problems I have told you about. So, when it was our usually day to get together, I did not feel very comfortable going over to his place because we are usually intimate. I tried to get him to come to my side of town, to have coffee but he wanted to be together at his place(my place allows no visitors). So, I texted him saying: "I really want to spend time with you and miss you. I have to be honest and admit that I am a bit afraid of being intimate. Do you think that we could just cuddle tonight?" He responded: "I feel like if you come over we are going to have sex. We can cuddle after. Seems like you are now uncertain about things now, where you weren't in the past."So, yet I again, I picked up the phone hoping to resolve this and we got into this argument about my climaxing. Then, I told him that I wish he would have just come down for coffee especially considering that he just tried to break-up with me, to which he replied: "You are asking for to much." This really started to turn on lights in my head, and I said a few minutes later: "I think we need a break, not a break-up, what do you think?" His response was: "I feel like I've have already done too much to repair." Out of my mouth, before I could think, I said: "Then I think we should break-up." I went into the whole "my stuff at your house," conversation and that was it.I write this, and I feel stupid. But, I can't help but to question it. I liked him, when we were not fighting, it was really good. We got along very well, and it had been sometime since I really had that exchange with a man. And he did tell me many times how gorgeous I was, how he couldn't believe I was with him, and how I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Sigh..I just want to get others opinions on what you think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you ladies! I really appreciate you taking the time to help me out...and you both really did!
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (6 May 2013):
 He sounds like an a-hole. He is rude, hurtful and insensitive. "It's hard for a man to refuse a woman." Any man that truly loves a woman, it's not hard for them to turn another woman down. That's bull.
You deserve a lot better. It sounds like he has issues with himself that he needs to work out before he should be in a relationship with someone.
If I were you, I would work on my own insecurities and my weight (if it bothers you, mine does and I'm trying really hard to lose weight right now) and become happy with who you are. Become happy with who you are now and stop dwelling on the past you. If you aren't happy and able to love yourself then how is someone else going to?
I hope this helps you. Good luck and you really do deserve better than this jack ass.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (6 May 2013):
 i'm going to be very blunt here with you. this guy sounds like a complete horses ass. you deserve much better. whether he really is insecure and he takes it out on you or he has no etiquette and has no clue how to treat women is really irrelevant. bottom line is that the comments he made to you are comments that everyone should know are inappropriate, hurtful and offensive.
sounds to me like you two really aren't compatible. hard to imagine who he would ever be compatible with if he doesn't ever grow up and learn how to speak to women.
i've been in situations like this before. where you really want things to work so you ignore the glaring problems that you really shouldn't ignore. but the thing is, if you two were compatible, you wouldn't be fighting over things like this and you would know it felt right. i think deep down, you know this is the best thing for you. you'll find a man who sees your beauty and isn't afraid to compliment you, not put you down.
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