A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a weird relationship with a 48 year old man. I lost my virginity to him but lied I was on my period. I had sex because I was ready to and do not feel an ounce of guilt. All I wanted from him was to have sex, get over with the pain and move on from him but when i tried to cut him off. He pleaded and worked his way through and one thing led to another we agreed to be in a relationship. I wasn't 100 percent down with dating him but I felt he would be a good addition to my life for certain things I needed. Sex with him became more of an obligation than fun. I have been having sex because I kind of am partially living with him, not paying rent, he picks me up from work and gives me little money. I feel like it's the sex gluing things together. If I refuse to have sex, i believe every thing will fall apart. It seems like it's only sex I'm bringing to the table. At his age, I expected a lot more from him. He has given me what a guy my age will do and done nothing I can't do for myself or someone slightly older than me. I have life issues I'm trying to.sort out and he's not someone to talk to or discuss serious issues with. All he talks about is how I'm to dress up in costumes and be submissive. I feel like he's sucking the juices out of me and giving me nothing. I actually prefer to be im a contractual relationship. I always mock him with the sex talks. He doesnt talk about marriage or the future. It's all sex and he says he wants to be with me.I don't hate him or want to break up. He gives me nothing and I feel like I'd rather sell my body to the highest bidder than allow him sweat on me again. I just want to stop the sex and see what will happen. Is the relationship based on sex or not. How do I go about this?
View related questions:
lost my virginity, money, move on, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2018): Something inside of you is crying out that this situation isnt right but he has the gift of the gab and keeps you right where he wants you.
He has his way of training you into what he wants you to be.
This guy knows you were a virgin and he knows he is treading on untarnished territory.
The only thing to do is to leave.
Pack your bags and leave the key behind you on the table or posted through the door.
Dont talk it over with him.
He knows how to control you and to keep you dependent on him.
Call a womans refuge if needs be because this is 100% abuse.
Maybe the first time you were willing to try sex but now you hate sex with him.
Ask the womans group for help.
You need rescuing.
If needs be get the police to get you out of there.
But while you have legs and a bit of savvy you need to walk out and never go back.
Change your entire life if you can.
Dont flatter yourself that he likes you enough to stick around without sex.
Its not a relationship.
It is just a down hill road for you unless you leave of your own free will.
I cant see this guy giving you up willingly so pick up the phone to womans aid groups before you get 'sold' on to someone else once he has finished 'breaking you in!'
You are worth more than this.
You can find people who will help you out of this sticky situation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2018): Read your own post and ask yourself is the relationship based on sex?
Of course it is!!
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 September 2018):
 Everything boils down to your age difference. He's got a nubile, tight, young woman in his early 20's, and you have a nearly 50 year old guy who is financially stable. Your relationship is a mutual practice on using each other to get what you want.
He's got a fantastic piece of "candy" he doesn't have to pay a lot for. You wanted to lose your virginity, so YOU established that this was about sex. Yes, this starts and ends with sex. If you were to stop the sex, the relationship ends. But that is your choice! You can't have the goodies and the money if you don't have sex, just like if he were to stop the money and the taxi service, he couldn't have the sex.
If you don't like the guy and you're through with the arrangement, you can end it! Stopping the sex means breaking up. However, if you two have constantly having it, you can take a break for a few days. He is getting a bargain, because sugar daddies have tended to pay a lot more for sex than what you're getting.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (8 September 2018):
 Time to move out permanently and cut things off with this man. You are paying him rent in the form of sex. That may not have been what you intended, but you know that’s what you’re doing because you are getting free things from him, yet they aren’t really free because you are giving him sex.
Move out, find someone to live with you you won’t have sex with. You are already selling your sex for his house and taxi services. So, to say you’d rather sell your body to the highest bidder is what you are already doing because he is offering you things that you are paying for with sex but you don’t really want to have.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (8 September 2018):
 Honeypie beat me to it, I read this and immediately thought this sounds like a form of prostitution.
Why would you get together with someone you didn’t fully want to be with? Leaving this situation is the only logical solution. You say you can do all these things for yourself so I don’t understand how you even ended up together.
You sound like you have a VERY skewed view on relationships if you describe them as ‘selling yourself to the highest bidder’. I think you need to work on yourself for a while and try and think about why you see it that way. Relationships aren’t business deals, they’re about finding someone that you love and want to build a future with. This isn’t anything of the sort so why are you staying?
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 September 2018):
 Stop accepting his money and his control over you. Don't allow him to treat you like this. It is clear for him this is sex only, he gives you what he feels you want and he gets sex. Is this really how you see a relationship? Think more off yourself, want more, and aim to have more with a man. This is simply a cash transaction for sex and you are allowing it. Don't sell your body instead hold off on sex with a man until you both have a deeper connection and know you want the same things in life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 September 2018):
 You are in an "almost prostitution" like relationship.
He pays your rent and take care of you, picks you up from work and gives you money... you in turn... gives him sex.
The fact that you say... you say:
"I'd rather sell my body to the highest bidder than allow him sweat on me again".
You are already selling yourself.
SEX should NOT be a transaction. YOURS is.
How about you find a place you can afford (maybe a room mate thing) and cut things off with him.
...............................
|
