A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey. I'm 18 years old and I have recently left the sixth form at my school. I noticed that one of my male teachers was becoming increasingly flirty. He was winking at me on the corridors, touching my arm at any possible chance, and he would ask me to stay behind after class to talk to me, and then he would ask me how my day was and just stare and smile at me. He is incredibly hot and I have fancied him since I was 15. I kinda went along with the flirting and one day after school had finished and our lesson had finished I stayed behind to talk to him. He asked me how I was as he tidied up the room and I told him how I was doing whilst I leaned on the edge of a table. When he got round to the table I was at I asked him how he was and jokingly asked him if he was going to miss me when I was gone. He said he was great, but he had a problem, he said that he'd really miss me when I was gone and that he thought he was falling in love with me. I was both shocked and excited. I thought that things like this only happened in fairy tales. Anyway, as he finished his sentence he leaned in and kissed me, and I kissed him... That was a few months ago, since then we have met up in town and he has taken me to his house for tea. We kiss quite a lot when we're together, but never when I go to visit the school (because I have left since then). He says he will never pressure me into doing anything I don't want to do and I believe we are genuinely in love. Is this relationship acceptable?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): Oh Pleae
is there any woman who hasnt been thru this? Have some fun if thats what you want but make sure he's not married so that you're not destroying someone else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): I hate to say it's okay just because you're 18 or older, to do what you wish with him, but it appears you may or may not have lead him on, and he took the question you asked him and turned it into a reality, meaning he's playing off the vibes he gets from you when you talk to him. Teachers know that students are very impressionable through their teenage years. There is an unwritten law about teachers crossing certain boundaries with their students, for that reason. The only difference with this guy is he figures if he waits until you're 18, you won't think there's anything wrong with it, and at the same time he'll get the gullable little girl he was waiting to violate. The reason alot of kids in school get tricked by teachers like this, into crossing the moral boundary between teacher and student, is that the student feels the teacher is really hot or really nice, so they convince themselves that it is okay. You probably won't like my advice, knowing that it's true, and you'll probably go and try to cross that boundary anyway, but all anyone else can do is try.. It's really unfortunate how many students come in here feeling complete admiration over teachers like this. They're supposed to help the students year after year, not hope to get them in the sack by the time they're done the school year, or by the time the student graduates. The sad part is he'll do the same thing every year or two, to someone else, and they'll think he was the world, too.. All I can say is please don't get suckered into being with this guy. I know you don't see any hurt ahead of time, and noone can make a difference in your life but you, ultimately. Others can only make an impression, but you still have to be the one who makes your own decisions. So try not to sympathize with your teacher, and on the other hand, try not to take my advice in a negative way, because it's a positive path that will free you in life. Good luck and take care of yourself. You seem like a good person, so I really hope you choose the brighter path, not the darker one.
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A
female
reader, BagLady  +, writes (2 March 2010):
It depends on how old he is. If he is within 5-ish years from you I say go for it. But if not this is a red flag many young girls miss. At his age he should be at a mental mature state far above yours...no matter how smart and mature you may be, you haven't reached a level too far past 5 years in wisdom beyond your age. I fell in love with a guy like that. He waited until I was old enough to be legal. Most older guys in the school yard can't cut it with equals of their same age. He may have fallen into the trap a lot of teachers feel-falling in love with your youth and beauty and promise. A clean innocent slate who won't judge, just love. Sadly it is not going to end in a fairytale, love. Everyone wants and hopes to be the exception to the rule, but you probably aren't. You won't notice what's wrong with him until you reach the age where he stopped growing up...so figure out how many years it will take before you reach the age he is mentally now. Take his age and take 5 years off assuming you are a smart cookie...that's how much time in your life you will lose.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): You're an adult, he's not your teacher anymore, he waited until you were an adult to make any kind of real advance... I think this is ok. It sounds like you are taking things at a good speed and being responsible.I'd sing a different tune if he was still your teacher. Then there is and authority issue working.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): some people may seee it as he bassically misused his position of trust but teh fact he waited so long before doing anything and you've left so i presume its not against the law
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