A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I miss my ex boyfriend so much :( we split up about 7 weeks ago because we had an argument over how we weren't seeing each other enough just due to other commitments in life etc (mostly crap working hours). We attempted to stay friends but had a huge argument 2 weeks later, i basically flipped out at him because I was just angry at the situation as all along I felt I'd done everything in my power to make the relationship work and it felt like he just wanted to give up. After this i cut all contact, facebook etc and we didnt speak for 10 days.After this 10 days he contacted me saying he had been waiting for things to calm down and he hoped i was doing ok. I was still pretty mad from the argument so i left it a week before replying, basically just saying that i've realised if we can't be together then I don't think we should be speaking yet and that we should have no contact at all as we both need to get over it. I just dont feel like i can be just friends wth someone who i still have such strong feelings for. this was the first guy i ever trusted, had sex with, introduced to my parents :/. A few days earlier I had heard he had fallen out with one of his friends, who was still friends with me, as I'd bumped into him on a clubnight and got pretty upset about the situation and his friend had looked after me and said he was on my side about it all. my ex was just jealous basically.It has now been almost 3 weeks since i've last text him and i've heard nothing from him, even though it's been my 21st birthday during this time :( i know I told him no contact is best so he is most likely respecting my wishes but I thought he might at least try and say happy birthday to me :( I just miss him so much and have no idea how he's feeling.I've been told from mutual friends that over the past 3 weeks he has been occassionally writing things over facebook saying stuff about how he's going for a walk to clear his head, saying how he needs clarity, and apparently over the past week he's been posting out youtube links to songs like 'im lost without you' by blink 182 for example :/ he's always been a sucker for slow songs though (not relating to his mood) so i'm not sure if this has any relevance, but if he doesnt this is a massive coincidence as that song is from his least favourite album and he definitely prefers the happier tunes. he has also being going out to clubs SO much more, like 2 times a week sometimes, and theyre always clubs i go to so i don't know if hes just hoping to bump into me. when we were together he only went out like once a month, if that.but if he really misses me why won't he say something? is he too proud? he knows i'd be willing to work on things! :( i'm possibly going to bump into him tomorrow night for the first time in 7 weeks, since we broke up, as we are both going to the same gig. (apparently he also keeps posting stuff about how excited he is about the gig- i somehow get the feeling that might also be something to do with how he knows im going to be there :/). i sorted him out with the tickets he wanted for this gig (he wanted standing tickets but had only managed to get seated when they came on sale, when we started going out my friend had some spare standing ones).i just can't get my head around how this might actually really be the end, i can't believe it, we were spending 3-4 nights a week together right until we broke up :( I hadn't cried about it for a couple of weeks until today, but I just keep remembering when things were really good and remembering little things about him that I loved, which make me smile/laugh but then i just get all upset because I have no idea how he feels about me any more, i just feel like he could have forgotten me or hate me :(i don't really know what question i'm asking here, I just need peoples thoughts on the situation, or advice :( don't be too harsh though please
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broke up, facebook, jealous, miss my ex, my ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 I tried being friends with my ex too. That lasted all of about 1 week. I am sorry you are going through such pain. I know I did as well. I had to quit trying to analyze everything and life finally started moving forward. I know it is hard.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbondgirl you're missing the point :S HE chose to break up over it. i told him i didnt want it but he wouldnt change his mind. i've put myself through the pain of trying to stay friends before, if this guy really doesnt want to be with me then i can't be just friends with him. it hurts too much
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (11 July 2012):
One more note. If you do try again, you are going to have to apologize and see things from his view. He is working to pay off debt, he is working so his future is brighter, etc. You must tell him you understand that. I am not sure he will come back to you, but you could try. After that, you need to leave things alone whether he gets back with you or not.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (11 July 2012):
Actually, I think if your boyfriend is working to pay down his debts, you just let go of a good thing. I know it is not what you wanted, but the man has debts, he is hardworking, and he wants to pay them down. You are lucky you got to sleep with him at night as my next-door neighbor just lost his desk job and had to start driving semi across country. His wife and kids do not see him for weeks at a time. when he does come home, he is only home for a few days. This is REAL LIFE for a lot of marriages and families. Love isn't all sunshine and roses. Love requires a lot of hardwork and sacrifices. So if you still love the guy and are willing to sacrifice for him for awhile, it could work out. If he is just working and pays you absolutely no attention or affection, then I can see leaving. But if he is making the effort and is a good hardworking man, you'd better see what you can work out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): "Is this really the end? I need advice!"
It's up to him. Since he broke up with you, then it is the end until he decides otherwise, which very possibly won't happen.
"he wanted to break up because of it all bsically. and i wanted to work through it :("
Under the stated circumstances, I'd say his choosing to break up over working through it was an entirely reasonable and prudent decision on his part. You have no idea what he's thinking and so you can't project your wishes and hopes and fantasies onto him.
All you can do is respect his point of view even though you obviously do not share his opinion, and follow his lead accordingly. If he changes his mind, then he'll let you know. If he doesn't, he won't.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe wanted to break up because of it all bsically. and i wanted to work through it :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbondgirl72, when i say we spent 3-4 nights together, that's exactly what it was, NIGHTS :/ towards the end of our relationship he took up more hours so he could pay back all his debts (he has a lot) and would sometimes be working from 5am up til 10 at night, and so would come round after or i'd go to his. before going back to work again. there was a period of like 3 weeks where all we really did together was sleep. sunday was his only day off, and naturally i wasnt going to make him spend ALL his free time with ME, he had friends to fit in aswell. it wasnt a lot of time but before he took up so many hours our relationship was great so i thought this was worth working through, that's alli dont think the ball's in my court to try and talk to him to make things work, last time we spoke he knew i wanted to do it, i told him i couldnt be just friends because it was too hard and that it was work through it or nothing. i was gutted that he'd rather leave it than fight for it, and he knew it :/the relationship wasn't all arguing either, we mustve only had about 4 arguments throughout the entire relationship and only the last one proved to be serious :(
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (10 July 2012):
First: You broke up because not enough time was being devoted to the relationship and apparently no one wanted to fix this. Is this true? Because near the end of your post you say that you were spending 3-4 nights together. That is quite a bit where I come from considering work, school, or other responsibilities you might have.
Second: He probably misses you, but that is normal after breaking up with someone. But, if you're broken up, you don't continue to contact each other. Why? Because it's too hard emotionally. If you break up, you go your separate ways because you couldn't make things work.
Third: You are obsessing. You are sitting around wondering where he is, what he's doing, what he's feeling, what he's thinking. If you don't want to be broken up with the guy, you'd better get it together and figure out how to make your relationship work before he moves on. Otherwise, find some things you enjoy doing and people you enjoy being with to help get your mind off of him.
Fourth: You just don't know how he feels about you anymore. How is supposed to feel? You BROKE UP. Yes, he probably misses you...that would be normal. But you can't keep this merry-go-round of obsessive thoughts in your head all the time. If you want him back, go get him back. If you think you're better off without him, then don't plan to bump into him or communicate with him. If you were constantly arguing before the break-up, you need to think carefully about getting back with him. Even though we sometimes miss people terribly, these people are not always good for us or positive influences on our lives.
Slow your thoughts down and think about what you really want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): I totally feel you, it must be really difficult for you! Maybe he feels like YOU don't want HIM, and he is scared of getting rejected. You have to tell him that that is not the case, and that you just want him back. Good job for waiting 7 weeks, I broke up 3 days ago and already cant bear it. Anyways, back to you. if he really has been posting all these cute statuses and songs, then he is obviously still missing you and thiking about you and wants you back. it can be very hard for anybody to tell their ex that they need them in their life, especially guys cuz they dont like admitting that they need a girl. you know what, dont be scared of his reaction. you will regret it if you say nothing. i recommend you just say "hey, havent heard from you in a while", talk a little bit, and then tell him how you feel. whats the worst that could happen? he doesn't feel the same. well i promise you if its meant to be, it will be. but he also may feel the exact same and may be super glad that you want him back, and everything could go as you want them to, then it will all be perfect! sorry if i didnt answer any question you had, i just briefly stated my opinion lol :)
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