A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Aunts and uncles.. This I'd a question about how friends with benefits should act. I'm super confused, as I've only had one other before this one. So.. Here it goes.Me and a guy we'll call Matt, recently started hooking up about a week and a half ago right. I met him about 5 weeks ago through my now ex, and was instantly attracted to him. Well we reconnected a little while ago. So, I go to his house, we do our thing, and afterward he's kissing me, cuddling ne, and wants me to stay the night. Now everyday since then, I've been at his house cause he wants me to stay the night all the time. Since we first hooked up, I've met his dad, friends, and about 3 of his cousins cause he wanted me to. The first night we hung out he took me to the lake, where we were gonna do our thing as to avoid going to each others houses. Well after we hung out a little while, he then wanted me to just go back to his house and then meet all of his people. He texts me all day. He texts me as soon as I leave his house. I told him "aww you like hanging out with me huh" and he said "so what".He told me he sleeps better when I'm there. If he things I'm mad at him at all he's very persistent in trying to make sure I'm not. He texts me when he's at work to check on me and make sure I'm not having problems with my ex (he lives across the street and has already been warned by the police to stay away because he choked me). Matt knows this so he checks on me.My question to you guys is, is this normal for friends with benefits? Or is this leading to maybe more?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 October 2014):
 Okay, you are FWB with a guy you met 5 weeks ago through your ex? The same ex who lives across the street and choked you? You've been having sex with him for about 10 or 11 days and you want to know if this is going somewhere already?
Whoa, woman, you need to cool your jets. First of all, if your ex was violent and lives across the street, you need to be very careful and alert. I don't know if this ex was violent all the way through your relationship or if you ignored red flags or if you just chose really poorly, but somehow you wound up with an abusive man. Did you ever find out why you did? Did you get counseling after the attack? If not, you should.
So you've known this guy for 5 whole weeks and are spending nights over at his place Now he's texting you all day every day.
Did you ever stop to consider that somehow you are choosing controlling men with poor impulse control? That your selection process may be haphazard and random and frankly based on nothing but initial chemistry? That you should be taking some time to get to know a guy before you sleep with him to determine if he's a keeper or not?
This new guy may or may not have plans to make it a more permanent relationship, but you handed that over to him when you agreed to FWB. If you want more, ask for more and don't settle for less.
If you just want FWB, go for it but I think you are making really bad choices for yourself and will wind up hurt and confused because you don't understand your own motivations let alone a guy you've known for 5 weeks.
You've been FWB for 10-11 days, why would he think you are mad about something?
It all sounds like your expectations and reality are on a collision course and you are going to get crushed. Why? Because you are moving too fast too soon with a guy you don't know all that well, and you have a documented, that's even in a police file, history of choosing the wrong guy.
Slow down before you get crushed.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2014): Yes you are friends with benefits until you've both committed to a future together whether it's short term or long term. You are perfect for *now*. He can get all the perks of having a ghirlfriend ie. you staying at his house whenever he wants, your company when he's bored and lonely, a plus one for social events. He has all that minus commitment. He could sleep with or date other people because as it stands he's officially single. He doesn't have to be there for you when you need him and he doesn't have to be accountable to you and he does not owe you any explanations if he decides to stop talking to you tonight. By all means have fun if this is what you want but don't delude yourself that simply because he is there for you today he will be there for you tomorrow. He's made no such promises.
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