A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Been in a 5 year relationship with my girlfreind soon to be wife (now not so sure) She is a good girl and perfect gf iv had in a while, but there seems to be just one problem, her emotional and verbal physical abuse towards me when she feels insecure/jelous/ or angry. Is this normal to happen to females? Im a very laid back kind of guy.. being born in the tropical islands so i tend not to want to engage in conflict/argue/fight i rather stay silent ignore or just mind my buisnisins.. I repeat i do not like fighting in relationships.. but im not lazy.. thats for sure i work hard and put food on table and we share our finances equally.. but when it comes to facebook or phone txt'oing or anyhting that involves 'jelousy' or 'other people' she seems to get really angry and insecure.. this has been going for for abotu 4 years it started about 7 months into our relationshipThe first 6 or 7 months was perfect (i call this the illusion stage) where we get to know eachother and its all peace and harmony lol, but me and her have known each other since high school we just started living togather around the 7 month mark. so we were high school buddys, and now we fell in love (or so i thought), the point or question im asking is it normal to constantly be told im a loser and shit boyfreind and iv caught her chatting up guys on chat apps like KIK and other faceook messages, she even syaued at a guys house once about a year into a relationship SHE SAID SHE DID THIS BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I CHEATED ON HER and that him and the guy she stayed at nothing happend at his house, she just went there to sleep to make me paranoid and feel her pain, im thinking wtf?? thats crazy , who does that? anuwyay i believed her, took her back because i got really upset for 2 days i had no idea where she was only to find out she did it to get back at me for something i did not do.. she has a insecurity problem we have established that, a few times she even addmited it that she was 'weak' and had 'bi polar' , i thought ok then this is going to be interesting..anyway 3 or 4 years down track nothing has changed, we go a few weeks or a month of normal perfect couples and then BAM she suddenly turns into phsyco! over little things, i may write something on facebook as a status and she automatically thinks its about her when TRUTHFULLY It HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US.. this is very frustrating for me to deal with and hurts ALOT especially when i do nothing wrong.. she has cursed at me so many times iv lost track of how many times, she calls me cunt, whore, she mouths of about girls on my fb iv never even met people add me all time because of my posts which relate to health and positivity... so im not sure what to do! do i leave or stay? I accept her fully as she is thats why iv stayed so long through the toxic and torment she has caused, because i think love conquers all right. but only she can change her mind and thoughts... has anyone ever been through this? By way she has got violent too... punched me in face kicked me, several times lol, i alwayus brush these things off.. im a strong guy, but now its been 5 years.. my energy and lfie force is wearing out.. im slowly dying inside.. i need help, p.s she is not a bad girl, she has deep issues that needs to be addressed, i want to know if anyone has experienced sometihng similar to this or know any methods that may help without us breaking up.peace and lovewarrior1
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (16 September 2015):
 You write: "...She is a good girl and perfect gf iv had in a while, but there seems to be just one problem,..." then you proceed to tell us of her/your "problem".... which problem should be a deal-breaker. Back out of marrying this girl until/unless you see a major change in her behaviour (which, change, you will probably never see....)
Good luck...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2015): if you're not happy with the situation, tell her.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 September 2015):
 Guy, I know you don't want to hear this, but your fiance is a CHEATER. I'm thinking she's a serial cheater, and she's using the common technique of blowing up at you and starting psycho fights to keep you off of her trail.
Logically, what OTHER GUY would willingly submit to having another woman go to his house and stay over there just to play some game with YOU? She gave him sex, and then when caught, she used her old standby trick and it worked. The guy got sex. And he's not the only one.
You need to break it off from her, because she is an abusive cheater, and she does not respect you.
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A
female
reader, kate990  +, writes (16 September 2015):
I'm thinking that maybe the fact that she is 'bi polar' sounds more like an excuse. For sure she is passionate person who has too many expectations and likes to live on a cloud( making illusions). Im guessing she gave you a lot of attention and now wants to receive it as well. She has forgotten the rest of the world and got obsessive about you.. in that case she has to work on herself and cool down her ecpectations about you. More attention to her would be helpful, but this situation has gone too far. She has lost her respect to you by naming you with rude words and acting like a teenager. This is a hard situation because continueing like that doesn't make either of you happy. Maybe make posts to fb with her and then take her out with your friends ( also female ones) so she feels more secure. Explain that you are trying to make her feel more secure and there is really nothing to worry about. Love and fear are opposites. Negative feelings are all coming from fear. Jelousy comes from a fear. I see that you are opened to the world and enjoy social life. She might be afraid that the rest of the world can offer you more than her and she feels helpless because she wants to be your world. I hope that you will manage to cool her down by showing her to the world and probably some romantic gestures and cuddling before sleep will do the job. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 September 2015):
 If even part of what you say is true then you are about to marry the wife from hell and should back out of this BS as soon as humanly possible.Good luck ,boy you are going down a rabbit hole if you stay with this one.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2015): Get out of this absuive relationship for good, you shouldn't let yourself continue being beaten up and verbally attacked, do not go back, but in future do not add people you don't know on facebook, it's not safe if anything and even sane girlfriends ( unlike your curreny one) would be miffed at that.
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