A
female
age
36-40,
*hygrl86
writes:So I have been dating the same guy for 4 years. Well, we had an 18 month break in between where we still saw each other and slept with each other daily. I continued to help pay his rent and taking care of his daughter during this time. I felt like that was my way of keeping him. All this went on while he slept around with countless women, and lied about everything possible.I finaly got strong and decided enough was enough. He didn't want to lose me and so he said he would change. Needless to say he made promises about our relationship and obligations that he would uphold. He has broken promises since then in regards to not having a face book. He now not only has one but it is covered in girls that look completly sluty.He has been handing out his phone number at work to girls saying that it is for referals. Yet they text him about things that have nothing to do with work. He holds 30 minute late night conversations with them as well.When I told him how i felt, he said that he wasn't going to be in a relationship where he felt controled. And he was not going to change because as long as he is not sleeping with or kissing on other girls than he is not doing anything wrong.I feel so hurt and empty inside. Am I over reacting or do I have a right to feel this way? This is not how I imagined love and commitment to be.
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 September 2009):
 This isn't the way love and commitment is supposed to be. At all. Your problem is that you don't stand up for yourself enough. 18 months? That should have been 18 hours, tops. Plus, he showed you his true colors when he kept you on the side and lied to you all the time.
You can do better than this guy. Love isn't just about having a good time together; sometimes you have to compromise for the other person. I don't think asking him to stop giving out his phone number and talking to all these women is a weird request, and it is stupid of him to claim he feels controlled. You don't have to kiss or have sex with another person to cheat...you can also cheat by sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone else and not with your partner. That is called emotional cheating.
If you do not feel loved, you move on and find someone else who values you and won't lie, and will treat you with the love, respect and honesty you deserve.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 September 2009):
 Hi,Well seriously, he has you wrapped around his little finger doesn't he?I am sure all the cheating men out there would put your boyfriend up as their poster boy. He gets to sleep around and still have a girl on tap at home who will look after him. The cheater's dream set up .If only you had the courage to send him packing you could make a committed and loyal man very happy -and yourself of course.But somehow I don't think it is that easy for you, the prospect of changing him attracts you to this relationship.One day you will wake up and realise you cant change him, then you will realise how you have been wasting so much of your life on this cheater.Until then I would get myself checked out, if he is sleeping with all these women he is a high risk of contracting an STD.Good luck, I just hope you can find some self confidence and courage to send him packing.
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