A
male
age
30-35,
*rians
writes:I'm 18 years old gay guy and I've something like a question about situation in my life. I'm receiving attention from a man who's much older than me. He's 32, actually very handsome and he does all he can to get my attention. Several times he has asked me to go to the cinema or dinner with him. He's intelligent and charming and, to be honest, I feel good with him. We've spent some evenings dancing in clubs and gay bars. He never pays attention to anyone else, just me. He understands me perfectly. When I said I'm having hard time in my family, he offered to get me a job immediately. Nobody has ever been so good to me.It's all great, but I think it's so unusual for a man in his age to look at guy in my age, right? I know age is just a number, but I'm kind of not sure about what he wants. He has never forced anything onto me, he has never implied on sex. But why does he want to be with me then? It's hard for me to believe he's in love. Or maybe he is? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Biffo  +, writes (1 September 2012):
If you were any younger than 18, I'd tell you to kick him in the nuts, run a mile, while calling the police. But at 18 you are an adult. You obviously like spending time with each other, so I don't really see a problem. He sounds like a very kind man and has your best interests at heart. I get the feeling that you are not into him as much as he is into you. Perhaps you see him more as a father figure, which is fine. I think the two of you, could be great friends, as long as you both accept that. I have a feeling though that he's looking for more...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): I have heard it said
there are three loves in a gay mans life
when he is young his first relationship is with a wiser older man
his second is a relationship with a man who is his peer
and when he is older his third relationship is with a younger man
i do not know if this is still a valid concept since the freedom to be gay has grown
but ..............i will tell you i enjoyed 11 years with a much older man and have no regrets.
you must be honest with yourself and do what your heart tells you...
you cannot control what love sends you, only whether you will accept and care for it
good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): 'The love that dare not speak its name' in this century is such a great affection of an elder for a younger man as there was between David and Jonathan, such as Plato made the very basis of his philosophy, and such as you find in the sonnets of Michelangelo and Shakespeare. It is that deep spiritual affection that is as pure as it is perfect. It dictates and pervades great works of art, like those of Shakespeare and Michelangelo, and those two letters of mine, such as they are. It is in this century misunderstood, so much misunderstood that it may be described as "the love that dare not speak its name," and on that account of it I am placed where I am now. It is beautiful, it is fine, it is the noblest form of affection. There is nothing unnatural about it. It is intellectual, and it repeatedly exists between an older and a younger man, when the older man has intellect, and the younger man has all the joy, hope and glamour of life before him. That it should be so, the world does not understand. The world mocks at it, and sometimes puts one in the pillory for it'
(Erm, that wasn't me by the way: it was Oscar Wilde)
He may, indeed, be a predatory creep - they certainly exist - but it doesn't sound like it. As you say, he's 'intelligent and charming' and you're both free agents past the age of consent.
There's one hugely important factor you haven't mentioned in your post, which should basically be your guiding principle as to what to do here. Do you fancy him?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): Listen, don't pay attention to all this age thing. I know he is old but listen, what is that you want from a guy? Do you want someone who is young like you who you will fight with all the time, who wouldn't understand you, who will look at other guys while in clubs?I don't think he is predator. You need to sit down and speak with him. Ask him what he wants from you. Tell him to be honest with you. He is much older than you so there are chances he might want something more stable while you just want to have fun. He might be more matured and might not relate to many situations you might feel. Those might be challenging aspects. But he is not a predator. Speak with him. But dont let a good thing pass you by. You might regret missing the opportunity to grow and be loved. To me he seems to like you very much
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