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anonymous
writes: I've been going out with my boyfriend now for three and a half years. I love being with him, but I'm not sure if I just love him being there because of the comfort and security rather than love. We were both at college when we met, and were both each other's first... but on and off over the years I've always had big doubts about whether I'm truly happy. I never feel giddy to see him, like I do with other people, and sexually he does not turn me on at all. I dread having sex because I constantly have to fake orgasms. I feel so guilty because I know he loves me lots, we've talked about moving in together and eventually and that would be a perfect ending to a perfect story...just what my Mother would love! But I can't help thinking that its not right. I'm so confused and scared...I really don't know what I want at all...
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2005): I CAN SYMPATHISE WITH YOU IN EVERY WAY. I AM IN A VERY SIMILAR POSITION. AS HUMANS BEINGS WE CAN NEVER BE 100% SURE OF THE DECISIONS WE MAKE, WE CAN ONLY BE TRUE TO OUR-SELVES. I HAVE BEEN THINKING ALONG THE SAME LINES AS YOU FOR A BOUT 2/3 MONTHS AND HAVE DECIDED TO END IT. PEOPLE ARE MUCH MORE RELSILIANT THAN WE IMAGINE AND CAN GET OVER JUST ABOUT ANYTHING. YOU SOUND LIKE A CARING PERSON AND ARE PROBABLY VERY AFRAID OF THE HURT IT MAY CAUSE YOUR PARTNER.IF YOU HAVE BEEN THINKING THAT ITS NOT RIGHT AND YOU DREAD HAVING SEX THEN THESE ARE USUALLY GOOD INDICATIONS THAT ITS TIME TO MOVE ON. IF YOU HAVE TALKED TO HIM AND YOU ARE SURE NOTHING ELSE IS AMISS THEN YOU REALLY OUGHT TO CONSIDER THINGS CAREFULLY. DEEP DOWN WE ALWAYS KNOW WHAT WE WANT, FINDING THE COURAGE TO CARRY OUT OUR CONVICTIONS IS THE HARD PART. NO ONE WANTS TO HURT, BUT AFTER HURT COMES HEALING AND FINALLY THE COMES KNOWLEDGE THAT WE HAVE DONE THE RIGHT THING. ASK YOURSELF IF IT IS TRULY HIM YOU LOVE, ALONG WITH ALL HIS ODD LITTLE MANNERISMS, OR IS IT THE SECURITY BLANKET THAT HE PROVIDES YOU WITH, WHAT YOU LOVE? YOU MENTIONED THIS IN THE FIRST FEW WORDS OF YOUR POSTING. IF YOU READ WHAT YOUR WROTE AGAIN AND READ BETWEEN THE LINES I THINK YOU WILL FIND YOUR ANSWER?
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