A
female
age
41-50,
*comeka
writes:We have been married for 16yrs, with two children, our youngest is 16. From 2005 my husband has been cheating on me. In 2010 we almost got divorced but he apologised and vowed to stop and seek counselling but that didn't happen. We have been to marriage counselling but that has not helped either. In 2009, he became a preacher in a local church and I thought he would stop but he decided to start flirting with young women on social network sites. He is always at home but his cell phone is filled with filthy sex talk. Since becoming a preacher, he stopped going out with women but he always has his phone in hand and flirting on social network sites. We have talked about it many times but nothing changes. He is a good man in every other area of his life, but a seriously addicted flirt. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2014): Soon he will be cheating with female members of the congregation.
That happened with a female cousin-in-law of mine and the preacher at a church.
He has no respect for you.
I would have left in 2005 and never looked back.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (5 June 2014):
 Gotta love those who feel the need to spout off the word of god and then behave so disguetingly hypocritical. Makes me sick. He does realize adultery is a part of the ten commandments? Ugh. It wouldn't be as sickening if he didn't portray himself as a godly man to the world, while being a pig in disguise.
Sorry. Just a personal thing of mine. Hypocrites. Anyway, you need to leave his ass. Why do you stay? Obviously he has no respect for you or your marriage. And I am in no way demeaning or putting you down. I'm disgusted with him. My negative tone is all directed at him. You don't need this filth. Move on and don't look back. Divorce him and regain your dignity and self-worth. You're still very young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Good luck to you. I do hope you leave.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2014): Hmmm, this is somewhat of a guess but with some experience in the matter. It sounds like this man may have trouble in the bedroom. As such, a man like this looks for emotional affairs while collecting young, attractive provocative women on social networks. They also tend to gravitate toward provocative women in real life to boost their egos. Another annoying behavior is that they like to gift women for attention. They are sometimes socially inept. Sorry, not the type of partner that I would want to stick with.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (4 June 2014):
The truth is you cant make him stop cheating.You have given him chance after chance. Its not easy for you after all this time to make up your mind and tell him you want a divorce.You deserve a man to love and respect you a man that you can trust.Be brave and gentle with yourself.Remember you have only one life to live.Kind Regards. NORA B.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2014):
 stop talking about it... it's not going to change.
and sadly you can't change HIM only yourself.
If you are going to put up with it then you have to find a way to make it palatable for both of you.
Since you don't want him on social media sites having emotional affairs and flirting and you have told him this (with your meaningless words) but shown him you are ok with it (by staying with him) you are powerless to TALK to him about it.
IF you really want him to stop hurting YOU with his behavior you have to leave him.... be prepared for him to promise he will stop and then he will HIDE his bad behavior from you. I tried that with my ex-husband. he would not give up the online girlfriends. We had an open marriage and he still was not happy... finally we broke up...
You can either do nothing and accept it or leave.
at 16 and older your kids are probably well aware of what's going on and mom and dad splitting up won't kill them.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (4 June 2014):
Oh my god. Why is this man a preacher? He sounds like a scuzzball to me, and I would never tolerate this. You can't make him stop. You can only decide whether you are willing to put up with his emotional infidelity and his unbelievable, unbelievable hypocrisy.
I think I just threw up a little. Ugh, he sounds absolutely horrible.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 June 2014):
You have two choices: accept that he is the way he is and that he won't change, and hopefully figure out how to be content with that, or divorce him.
Actually there is a third option I forgot about. Stay with him and keep hoping he'll change (he won't) and be miserable for the rest of your life.
A far out option would be to have an open marriage where he's free to do what he wants (which he's already doing) and you're free to date other guys.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 June 2014):
 You can't make him stop.
It isn't so much that he is "addicted" as you call it, it is because HE doesn't see ANYTHING wrong with what he is doing and he KNOWS that you will fuss a while but not leave.
If you don't want to be with a man who DOES these things... I think your only real option is to leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2014): Divorce him. You can't make him stop, and he continues because you can't. He knows you don't have the courage to let him go; so he does what he wants. You will, once you're fed-up.
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