A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met online in January a doctor in Mexico and we became friends over email, he is intelligent and interesting and wasGood company.I have been going through many very difficult and unusual family Challenges and I wanted to get away for a little on my own (first time in 20 years.) I'm 39 I did not want to go alone and I decided to invite this doctor to accompany me. I didn't want him to expect anything from me personally and I knew he would lose patient's fees so I offered to pay his air fare.I felt safe as I was not attracted to him and I didn't want to go away on my own.Within a few days we became attracted to each other and Became involved - that was 6 months ago and we have been Trying to see each other every 5 or so weeks.He visited meWe then met in USA - Then I went to his city.Then we spent two weeks together on holiday.Then I visited him. Now we plan to spend a month together, him visiting me.He tells me every day that I'm his everything and he adores me and loves meHowever, because of my family predicament I'm more lonely than him and he is a born loner anyway.Recently he has been a little cooler and I'm not sure why. I've asked him and he says its nothing.He assures me he loves me totally.I feel I am more affectionate than him. We contact each other all day and speak on the phone for and hour at a time.We both help each other. It's clear though I'm insecure and he knows it.I'm worried my paying for his flights has made the wrong foundations for his affection for me.He's loyal to me and shares his location with me.He's got lots to learn about how to treat women, he's had a 21 year relationship with a woman who was married and he stopped loving her after a year and only stayed with her for sex.Then they parted and he had a second relationship and she left him after a year and then he was without a relationship for 5 years.We plan to spend these 4 weeks together and I'm not sure if its wise to meet him again as if we are on our way to an end of the relationship I don't want to make it more painful.He's a little inexperienced with relationships. He loves tv and watches it a lot and loves the Internet. He is a man of few words and knows I need lots of reassurance.He has money problems and if he keeps leaving his patients he won't be able to pay his bills so he will need my help financially. It's not possible to go to his city again as I'm not happy visiting it again. Too far and too different I feel he's not reciprocating my emails the same way, or the nice sayings and images I send him or reciprocating songs that I send him.He assures me he loves and adores me. He wants me to be totally myself with him and to trust him.Do you have any opinions or suggestions please?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 Big red flags all over the place.
He is a doctor... and he lets you pay for his airfare ? And cover the costs of his visits to you ??
Ok, maybe, while in Mexico, like in most countries, what a doctor earns is way above the average worker's salary, then again the standard of living is still different from USA , so perhaps even a doctor could not comfortably afford the costs involved in this LDR. But, if this is the case,... he should not even have accepted your first invitation or started anything with you. At his age ( supposing he is in your age range ) people are in general mature and responsible enough to only cultivate those relationship that they are able to maintain and sustain at all levels, including financial. At the beginning it's not that he was blinded and overwhelmed by passion, he could ( and should ) have said sorry , darling, maybe it would be nice but this is not viable for me. Rather than saying, yippeee, free tickets, free accomodation, pay my bills, help me out !
And the fact that he has money problems and you'd have to help him financially because he can't afford one month without patients ? Oh please. Doctors don't live hand to mouth like this, they are, or should be, able to afford an one month vacation , and relative loss of income. If he really can't, .... it may mean some unplesant truth, like that he is a gambler or an addict or just simply totally irresponsible with money. Not a nice trait in a partner.
Anyway,... how and where would you see a happy ending to this love story ? Not in his country, you would not live there , because is too far and too different. Strangely enough, since the distance and the difference are the same both ways,... apparently USA is not too far for him and not too different. I suppose he would not mind to settle there- as long as you provide him with the financial means to do that, since he can't afford it on his own.
Uhm.... if I smell a faint whiff of Green Card marriage, and greedy suitor, maybe I am too suspicious.. and maybe not. It would be the case to proceed with extreme caution.
In fact, I think you should not proceed at all. This is not viable. You can't live there, and he can't live with you counting on his own resources. So- basically it goes nowhere even if it was the purest deepest all consuming passion. But, you also have bad feelings about the whole thing, you feel that you are fed many lines- and no real substance. Talk is cheap, it is so easy to say " I love you, I adore you ", then following up and really acting in a loving adoring way, it's more difficult, and you are seeing this.
Therefore, it's good that you are having second thoughts. Have also third, and fourth, thoughts before dragging this on and / or spending much more money.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): Are you sure he is a doctor? That can't pay for his own flight and dares to tell woman about it, and accept money from her. What are you his sugar mama?
I don't believe a word hi said. Such a poor inexperienced baby that takes money from women. He was in a relationship for sex for 21 years?!! What kind of story is that? You really believe it?
How can you even start being with a man that let's you pay for him? He is not your husband, that you share your finances with, he is just a guy that takes your money so easy. How do you even have respect for someone like that that tells you stories about his patients and how he is so poor that he can't afford a plane ticket. When you meet do you pay for him too?
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 Hi
He isnt inexperienced in relationships he was in one for 21 years all be it she was married.
He doesn't sound like a viable partner though, his history shows that.Plus the fact he is on the internet looking for a partner and happy to settle for a long distance one.
I would question the fact he is a doctor and one with money problems though.The fact you have already had to pay his air fare and will need help financially to come and visit is a red flag too.Where I come from Doctors earn extremely good salaries.
You have a gut feeling about him, you don't like where he lives,you think his interest is fading. SO where do you see this relationship heading, if you stay in it,where would you want to be in a year? If you can't see a future and already doubt his interest perhaps its time to get closure.
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