A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, guys.. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1.5years. I'm 25 and he's 35. Ever since we got together, there's one thing that really bugs me. his habit of not calling. OK lemme make it simple:1. He never texts or calls from morning till evening. He calls every night at 8 or 9. I just feel weird for the whole day, I hear nothing and suddenly he only calls at night. When he does call, our conversation rarely lasts more than an hour usually only lasts for 20 minutes. 2. We only meet once a week. Mon-Fri he's working and so am i, although I don't mind meeting up during these days but since he refuses so I accept that. He goes out with his fam on Sunday. Is this normal or is it just me? I just feel like meeting up once a week when we're in the same city, and no constant communication for the other 6 days feel really weird for me. So, guys, help me out on this..Thanks..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Some people want to be in a relationship even if they don't really get along with their partner. They want the benefits of being in a relationship - the security of having someone there when they need them, social approval, not having to face the dating scene again...the list goes on.... so even if they don't get along with their current partner they don't want to break up either. The solution then is to just not spend much time around them (because they don't want to) because they don't feel close to their partner but just enough time to maintain the relationship i.e. string along their partner.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Maybe he's the not that into you or the relationship, but just likes the idea of being in a relatinoship thus he does the bare minimum to keep you around. guys, like girls, have a hang up about being single. Especially at his age - mid 30s - all his friends are probably now settled down married with kids so he feels he should be heading that direction too thus he holds onto a relationship even though he may not actually be all that into that particular woman in this case you.
sorry to sound negative but I have had a lot of guy friends like this. some even went so far as to get married, leading to a really sad situation further down the road...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Maybe he's the not that into you or the relationship, but just likes the idea of being in a relationship. Thus he does the bare minimum to keep you around. Guys, like girls, have a hang up about being single. Especially at his age - mid 30s - all his friends are probably now settled down married with kids so he feels he should be heading that direction too thus he holds onto a relationship even though he may not actually be all that into that particular woman in this case you.sorry to sound negative but I have had a lot of guy friends like this. some even went so far as to get married, leading to a really sad situation further down the road...
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 December 2010):
 It's not demanding or needy to want what you want. You can't help it after all.
Perhaps when you moved out, it had a deeper effect on him than you thought. It's really hard to say. You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@dirtball:
2. Why does he refuse? -- One reason, he feels tired during working days.
Do you live some distance from each other? -- Nope, we still in the same city, about 30 minutes drive, 45 if traffic.
I already told him that i feel very weird about that.. But you hear the same reason. I don't want to argue same reason every now and then, I just want to be understanding and i don't want to be too demanding, so i've been accepting that kind of behaviour but somehow sometimes i still feel weird.. Sometimes i think am i needy when i want more communication than what i get now?
@femalereader:
Are you sure he isn't in a relationship with someone apart from you? -- not that i know of.. I've lived together with him for 4 months until last month when i moved out. I got a new job and i chose a place closer to my office.
On Sunday when you say he spends time with his family is that his ex/kids or otherwise, why are you not included? -- It's his parents. He said he needs sometime with his parents. I tried to compromise by asking him to hang out with his fam on friday, so we could meet on sunday aswell. Well, i've met his family and i've hung out with his family lots of times on Sunday. I asked him to take e with them , i mean like hang out with them on sunday (since we always do that), but he said that he feels tired to take me home again at night. He wants to get an early sleep. So i thought "This is weird. Is he changing?"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Just meeting once a week and little communication does sound strange. No spontaneous calls to say hi? Weird. Are you sure he isn't in a relationship with someone apart from you? Anyway, how can you build a relationship on this restricted basis. As you live in the same location there is no excuse. When you love someone you want to spend a lot of time with them. On Sunday when you say he spends time with his family is that his ex/kids or otherwise, why are you not included? After a year and a half I think you need to move things on or wonder where this is going, if anywhere.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 December 2010):
1. Over the last year and a half you've developed a routine. He'll stick to the routine as long as it's working. Talking for 20 minutes a night is normal. The longer you're together, the less you have to say to each other on a daily basis unless something interesting happens. He is still in contact every day. If you want more, then you have to express that to him. Still, this kind of communication is pretty normal.
2. Why does he refuse? Do you live some distance from each other? My last GF and I lived about an hour apart from each other. Weekends were the only time we could meet up without making things difficult for ourselves. I know quite a few couples like that, and that's why I'm more concerned about why he refuses if you're offering to visit. Perhaps he likes his solitude?
Remember, you need to communicate with your partner. Talking nightly is good, but how much of that is small talk? If you want more, tell him. Just tell him in a positive way. Instead of "Why don't you ever call me during the day?" try "It would make my day if you sent me more texts during the day." See the difference? Subtle things like that make a big difference in how they're perceived by the recipient.
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Whilst it can be normal to only meet once a week, it does sound strange there is no other communication throughout the week, such as lunch time or after work. Even if its a quick phone call or text.
I guess you need to ask yourself if this is going to be a show stopper for you or if you need more out of a relationship.
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