A
male
age
36-40,
*eeroc
writes:To get the to the point, we were dating for 4 years and 11 months she left me for another man (she's done this twice, I took her back the first time) and she won't come back to me no matter how much I say I love her or say I can do this.I'll admit I'm a pretty slow going guy and she's a fast going girl together we had balance, she kept things going and I made things enjoyable (Aries and Taurus). The relationship started going down hill after my dad's passing from lung cancer. I didn't know how to deal with the loss of a parent so I treated it like a distant relative loss, That didn't work because as time went on I began seeing myself slowly begin to go downhill like it was a small thing inside that was eating away at me. I began avoiding everyone around me my mother saw what was going on and she said thats normal, you just need space from everyone so you can deal with this, no one has a real answer on how to deal with this, all your brothers and sisters are in the same situation just not doing the same thing. I didn't understand what she meant at that time but I do now some what. Everyone was able to give me space but my gf (EX now). She kept on hassling me wanting to something it got up to a point where I said "look I just don't feel like doing stuff right now, I just don't feel like me", I said that in a bit of a harsher tone just to get my point across. I met some new people at my college and I started to hang out with them for a bit, this really pissed my gf (ex) off, saying how can you hang out with them and not me? I answered I don't know and from there many fights broke out and I called multiple temporary breaks to just try and clear my head (I honestly didn't know wtf was wrong with me or why I enjoyed hanging out my new friends more), but every time I came back she just got worse with no respect to me and I began losing patience.At that time I really didn't know but I look back now my gf (ex) was person with a really bad attitude and my brother said I never saw it because I was blinded by love. She would say the most unnecessary things in public i.e. something you would wait till it's somewhat clear before saying it. The best thing I found out of that relationship was companionship we did everything together, I was one half she was the other, to me that's all I could ask for in a relationship at that time, of course I always had some thoughts of our future together.When I was hanging out with my friends I met another girl in the group who was giving me more attention than "just friends". I enjoyed this new feeling I had because I was like "wow she's not yelling at me". needless to say we flirted with each other because the feeling was great. I did though keep my gf on temp break in mind, seeing how much fun I'm having made me miss her, but then I get a call from my brother saying how she started issues with my sister. I go my sisters, she's upset, then I got upset (just a FYI I told her not to, but being cocky she gets involved with my family's issues first from my mother, to my sister in law, to my dad rip, and then to my sister). I'm at a point of WTF dude I don't need this shit from you right now why are you AGAIN starting more shit with my family?! So then after I calm my sister down I call my ex up and I chew her ass out big time. I hang up and let time cool me down. I kept in touch with her through short text chats at least 2 times a week.During those texts I get one text from her saying she's in the hospital visiting her grandpa but then she ended up in there from not eating and her body just shut down. I got scared but I didn't know what to do, I wasn't able to reach her physically, I began to feel a big guilt in my stomach, until my sister said "stop! doesn't this situation look a bit familiar?' I didn't understand what my sister meant, until she told me about the times when we were dating earlier where she cut herself with a sewing needle to just because I didn't answer her texts. I stopped and thought about it, I'm somewhat unsure but I think my sister was right because when she did that I came running so fast to her and my ex got what she wanted which was my attention. I still felt bad though because I was the reason she stopped eating. But my friends told me "did you literally go to her and smack the food away from her mouth?. I still feel bad from it thoughAs time goes on I'm sure she's upset and is thinking it's over, at that point I kinda wanted it to be but I know that was just rash thoughts going through my head. As time went on old emotions of depression took over again and I felt really down and just *meh*. this feeling went on for a while until the beginning of a new month which seemed like my month "where everything is going to get 110% better" It started off with getting a new fone, and a new car, and meeting friends who I saw greatly loyalty in. Everything was going great and I feel great myself and I decided to reconnect fully with my gf, texting wasn't good enough any more so I drove over to her house with my new car and she greeted me with the love I've missed so much (just a big hug and talking). I didn't get to talk to her much because it was her dad's birthday and they were going out so I let her go.Everything was going great until the next night where I found out she was with another man, she was dating this other guy. I just couldn't get that to register in my head. Jjust what? I call her up demanding answers. From that point on I got answers but I got them with a knife stuck through my heart. I was devastated, and I didn't know what to do, every time I contacted her she always had a loaded gun to greet me with and I left with so many wounds. At one point I just gave up not wanting her cause all she kept doing was intentionally wanting to hurt me. And I was always answered at times with: "I can never come back to you because I don't want you to put me back in the hospital or I don't want any more scars". I'm at a point where I realize it's over and I don't want her back, I swear that's a fact, but the thought of someone else rubbing her back just kills me. I just look back on this and I don't know what to think of it. Am I better off? Was she really the one but I just had to work at it hard enough to achieve that happiness? Is this karma getting back at me for flirting with that one girl? I just don't know what to learn from this or how to keep moving and not looking back.
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male
reader, Deeroc +, writes (10 April 2009):
Deeroc is verified as being by the original poster of the question its alot of info, but i felt in order to get help i figured to lay it all out there. i would soooo love to let go but some part of me gets all *meh* when the smallest thing reminds me of her
A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (10 April 2009):
 It sounds like a very very messed up trial to me. Move on. Let life be the way it is and try to find better things. If you get back together, maybe it's supposed to be that way. but atm, ur apart, so try to move on and let go.
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