A
female
age
30-35,
*hooo
writes:Recently I have been upset about a break up.I was with my ex for over 2 years, we had split up for half a year before but got back together.We were alot happier, but there were still some ups and downs and trust issues towards the end that wasn't necessary.We are both very loyal people, but after a while I became too protective and even though he'd explained to me that he loved me and wouldnt ever cheat or want anyone else, I still had an issue with him being good friends with this girl (who he thought he used to like).He had been very controlling and protective like that with me before for a short while, and I'd forgave him because he explained that it was just because he didn't want to lose me again. He even cried over me quite a lot in the past whenever we had a fall out.This time though I flipped on him, and he became instantly fed up and kept saying it wasn't working, and I expressed to him how much I love him and apologised, but no matter what I did he just seen it as pressure and kept twisting everything round as though I was just trying to make him feel guilty. He kept saying 'nothing will change', and was always really angry when speaking to me. Then eventually he just deleted and blocked me from everything (like he did the first time we broke up).His mum was a family friend and last time I spoke to her she told me that a painting I did for him and postcards/cards are up on his shelf still, and that he said 'One day I might wake up and realise I miss her again but that's something I'll just have to deal with'.I dont think he speaks much about the break up with his friends, I have spoken to one of our close friends and he told me that my ex spoke briefly about us once but it just seemed like he didn't want us to get back together.He bottles up his emotions from everyone, but sometimes breaks down and then all his feelings pour out. When we were apart the first time I found out after 6 months that he was actually really upset over me, started destroying all our pictures together and I still didn't know any of that until I got back with him. He also went out with this girl for a few weeks, but ended it and told his mates it was because he found being in a relationship better with me and just wanted me back.I've been feeling pretty down lately, like I cant cope. I went the doctors today and she told me I was 'moderately depressed'and she prescribed me with some antidepressants but I dont want to take them cause I'm worried about the effects and I might become relient on them. I cant believe how much this is getting to me because I used to think I was really strong, but I guess I'm going through a grieving process and this time it's harder to deal with.Is this the sort of thing men do though? Like need space for a while until they realise what they want? Or reckon that this is probably really what he wants now this is just the way it's meant to be?If that may be the case I really want to overcome all this and learn to accept the fact that he doesn't want me anymore, even if I really do love him and want him back more than anything.Any advice or suggestions would be much appreciated, thanks, T x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 Ergh... this reads like one of my old relationships so I can understand your boyfriends point of view. Even him saying "nothing will change"... I said the same thing over and over before we broke up. Kinda scary. I could go on, but I'll skip the filler and just say- walk away, please... for your sake. Its over. Two break ups are two big fat red flags that you shouldn't ignore. I can totally understand if you do ignore them, because I did... like 10 times :P
Relationships are supposed to be happy!! Its supposed to be two people against the world, having fun, supporting each others goals and growing together... not endless drama and anti-depressants, (we both ended up on them as well :P tragic). So for a minute, set aside any fantasy future plans you may have with him in your mind, (living together, marriage, kids, everything!) and ask yourself
Do either of you sound happy?
You clearly aren't compatible together, so rather than trying to smash two wrong jigsaw puzzle pieces together, why not move on, work on yourself for a while and then start looking for a puzzle piece that fits. Because right now by holding onto hope you're just delaying the grieving process and hurting yourself further.
Please don't make my mistake, though I can't judge.
Best of luck tho aye.
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