| A
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I feel so lost. Like a horrible girlfriend. Like a horrible person in general, I honestly don't know what to do that Im turning to total strangers for comfort. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and things are serious. The only problem is its a long distance relationship, he is literally 6000 miles away. We've been having problems for a while. I don't know if I still love him, because I never felt that crazy passionate love for him always just that warm stable comforting kind of love. So I did the right thing, I told him I feel disconnected from him and that I need to take some time away to figure out what I need. Things got even more confusing when I met this guy at work. He has strong feelings for me and I feel like Im falling for him. We've decided to be friends, because we are both from different religious backgrounds and I just know it could never work out in the long run. As for my boyfriend, he is perfect on paper. Everything I ever wanted in a man, he loves me so much and is willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy. But I just feel numb lately. What should I do? Is this just a rough patch because of the distance? Or do I just not love him enough? I know that if I stay with him he will be the perfect husband and father and life partner, but I want the best for him and Im terrified that Im somehow cheating him of finding a better, more in love partner. And as for this new guy, we have everything in common. Im scared. I don't know what Im doing. All the lines are blurred and I don't know up from down. Should I leave my boyfriend for a guy I can picture dating but never marrying? Should I just not talk to either? I want to be fair to both of them, and I don't want anyone to get hurt more than they already are.
View related questions:
at work, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 Thats true, i know you feel like a hypocrite but sometimes we just need to ensure that we are happy, two years apart is a very long time, and you will need a lot of strenght if you are willing to try and work on it, maybe it is best if you both took a break be honest with him and tell him you are struggling and you need space to clear your head, maybe get to know this other fella a bit better and if you are single you are free to take your friendship to the next level and see how things go, at the end of the day if you are both single in a year or two and you have explored other options then you will be in a clearer mind to make a decision on if you both want to try again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, I really appreciate it.
As for us living close to each other...He is in his last two years of medical school and after he's done he wants to move to the US to finish his specialty. I have two more years of university, a year of internship and mcats, and then hopefully medical school for four years. If he's going to come here, its going to happen in two years at the earliest and there is no way I can go live there. So we are sort of stuck. He had a gf for 7 years and the whole time it was long distance. I had a bf who I saw almost every day if not every weekend, so I guess that's why he is dealing with the distance better than me. He doesn't know what it feels like to NOT be in a long distance relationship. I do, and I miss the feeling of having that person there. I don't know what's more important, being happy now or being miserable for two more years with the faint hope of being happy later? And as for this new guy, we have been spending a lot of time together just talking as friends and we click so much. He thinks the religion difference can be overcome, but Im not so sure. I don't want to toy with my bf and keep going back and forth. I know he deserves clarity, and if the roles were reversed and he was spending time with a girl who liked him, I would have been pretty upset. I feel like a hypocrite, but at the same time I know that I need to do this to figure out what it is I want and need. Otherwise if I stay with him I will always be asking what if?
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (12 November 2010):
Hi well sweetie only you can answer these questions am afraid nobody else can answer them for you. Is it possible that you could move closer to your boyfriend or vice versa because am a true believer that you need to spend quality time with someone to know wether you are meant to be with them or not, so this is probably why you are feeling doubtful because you cant see him everyday. Distance is really hard ask anyone, very rarely does it work out because one or both people get disconnected and dont know if they can deal with it anymore. You need to look and see what the future holds for the both of you, how you can be together in the long run, ie. how long do you need to wait until you are living close together.
As for this other bloke you are probably just feeling close to him because he is there, he is in front of you and you feel you have lots in common and off course yet again he is there in front of you if you need anything. But if you cant picture him as a life partner is it worth risking everything to see if it would work out.
I honestly think the only way to resolve this is if you and your boyfriend can make arrangement to live close to each other.
...............................
|
