A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now and he has a blog, on this blog he posts pictures regularly of girls bums/girls in lingerie, raunchy stuff etc. He knew it got to me and I've asked him so many times to stop it and he doesn't and when we've talked about it he just claims they're 'only pictures' on a blog but they still get to me, they've affected my confidence and self esteem. He's a 'one of the lads' type and i feel he'll never stop doing it, it's like it's a big deal to me but not really a big deal to him at all, even when i try joke about him stopping he doesnt really say much. He deleted his blog and said it would be 'good for us' then just made a new blog a week later and started again.I honestly don't know what to do, should i be worried? is this a 'guy thing', any advice/suggestions welcome please.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (1 June 2012):
 A lot of people do this. You only have to browse through tumblr very briefly to discover a wealth of different blogs, by men or women, dedicated to some form of sexuality. Some people have blogs specifically so that they can post pictures of themselves anonymously, because its a medium for people to be rid of inhibitions and do the crazy things they can't do outside of the internet.I personally have no problem with it, because the purpose of a blog is self expression, but it bothers you that your boyfriend does it, which is completely fair. However, he enjoys it and that is completely fair too. So really, you need to find equilibrium(you meaning as a couple).He has to stop it just as much as you have to accept he doesn't have to. It's paradoxical advice to give but, in my defense, its a paradoxical situation you're in. Work around it and find a way to mutually sacrifice the outcome you WANT for the outcome you NEED, and the outcome you need is for both you and him to be happy. It is completely possible to find that you can't find a middle ground, but worry about that after you've tried.Or you could do what some people do and go the "I shouldn't have to put up with things he does that I don't like" route, but that never works.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): "is this a 'guy thing'"
No, it's a "rude inconsiderate immature frat boy thing."
He's made it clear that he absolutely does not respect you one iota. If you stay with him one second more, you will be making it clear to him that YOU absolutely do not respect yourself one iota.
Your call. If you're willing to settle for this piece of garbage, you know exactly what to expect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): "Is this just a 'guy thing' or disrespectful?"
Both.
Maybe you should start a blog posting semi-naked pictures of Johnny Depp/Brad Pitt etc., or just casually throwing comments about other guys you find attractive into conversations with your boyfriend. I guarantee he wouldn't like it, you'd see jealousy all over his face in no time.
Do that a couple of times then sit him down and explain that this is exactly how his activities make you feel.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): If they were `only` pictures and not a big deal to him, he would stop doing it. He might feel a little insecure within his peer group and feel he has to prove he is `one of the lads` by posting pictures of ladies in little clothing. When you really think about it, it is quite a childish, immature thing to do. When he grows up and realizes that yes! Ladies are different to men, he might stop it.
In the meantime, try making a blog of your own featuring all the hot men you enjoy looking at. A practical demonstration will assist him to understand where you are coming from with your objections. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.
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