A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I need some help to work out how I feel about my bf - when I'm not with him, I miss him, and think how much I love him; but lately, when I spend time with him, I find myself getting bored and irritated, and I'm not sure if this is normal or if it indicates that things are not going so great.For background: we're the same age, met through a friend, and have been together 7 months. He told me he loved me after 3 months, and recently has been saying he'd like us to move in together, settle down, and have children in the next few years.For the first few months, our relationship was really passionate, it was great :) We had lots of fun, hanging out, getting to know each other. Then he started having problems at work, which I supported him through. Then I found he was sending sexy text messages to an old female colleague...considered breaking up with him, but he apologised, said there was nothing to it, and promised to stop (which, to my knowledge, he has). Things were great again, he introduced me to his family, we went on holiday together. Then, about 6 weeks ago, after he'd been out drinking with friend one night, I found him in bed with 2 other girls, one of whom is a close friend of his. He told me nothing had happened, but it took me a long time to forgive and start trusting him again, but I think we've got there. Then he had an operation, and needed my help during his 2 week recovery. Then he had more troubles at work, which are ongoing...so when we meet up, instead of giving me a big smile and a kiss, he talks about his work problems for aaaaaages. I listen and he tells me I'm supportive. This has been going on for a couple of weeks now, and I'm starting to find myself feeling frustrated, irritated and bored at times. He never stops to ask how my day has been, relies on me for lifts to the shops, etc, and doesn't give me those passionate kisses any more :( But, overall, I love him and feel generally happy when we're together and he's not talking about work all the time...At the same time, he tells me that his parents really like me and have told him they'd be happy if he settled down with me. I do think I love him, and I care about him greatly, but worry that my feelings of boredom or irritation will affect my feelings for him.Also, I do still occasionally still feel upset about finding him with those two other girls. My ex bf before my current bf cheated on me after 8 years together, after which I dumped him and was happily single for 15 months before I met my current bf.So, what I need help to understand is what to do now... I think I love him, but wonder if I like the thought of being in a relationship with a good guy who wants to have a family with me more than the guy himself, at times. I wonder if all relationships go through ups and downs like this? On the other hand, I'm thinking this may just be a glitch, and that we'll get the passionate, fun side of our relationship back on track soon, so the best thing would be to stick with it for now.Sorry this is so long.I'd love your advice. Thanks :)
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at work, cheated on me, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (4 June 2011):
 HI
He is NOT a good guy hun. And you DEFINAETLY desreve better, how you could forgive being in bed with two of his freinds fathoms me. He is using you, and I feel your not ready for a relationship after an 8 yr one, even after 15 months alone. Because if you were, you would NOT put up with this. Let him fool someone else into a marriage not you, be with a man who knows how to treat his women , loyal, respect, trust, love, caring, understanding, etc etc ......xxx
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