A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There's this wonderful man that I met the night before he was leaving back to his country. We clicked, we talked for hours (until morning!), then we slept together. I thought it would be a one-night-stand. I don't usually go for one-night-stands but it just felt right. After that, we stayed together, had lunch, went for a walk, and talked endlessly until he caught his plane. It was good, sweet, fun... I enjoyed every single moment with him. It was one of those things which makes you wonder... if only we lived in the same country...After he left, we kept in touch and got to know each other better. There is so much about him that I never found in anyone else. We have so much in common. It is so easy to open up, be silly, and just be myself with him. He mentioned he'd like to see me again. I wasn't sure if he was just saying that to be nice. He is very busy (he's a singer) and about to be away for several months (really far away: China). I couldn't stop thinking about him but it had been almost 3 months since that wonderful time we spent together. We started writing each other less often. Slowly, our keeping-in-touch was fading away and I thought I had to move on. Life is not a movie. This was a one-night-stand. Why would he still be thinking about me? Why should I keep fantasizing about something so impossible?This man has many interesting and gorgeous girls chasing him all the time, I couldn't see a reason for him to spend time and money to catch a plane just to see a random one-night-stand again.But, to have some closure, I took a chance, and told him I'd like to see him again and get to know him better, face-to-face. I invited him over to visit me. I thought "I say what's on my mind. He'll say he can't come because he's very busy. And that will give me the closure I need to move on". Due to his work, I knew he was very busy and even in the unlikely chance that he wanted fly over here, he probably wouldn't have the time. The most unbelievable thing happened. He replied immediately and already had checked his schedule for free days and looked at available flights. He's coming! In a few weeks. He's taking the only few days he has to get some rest before his big trip just to visit me. The flight is confirmed and I'm going insane! He seems to be going insane too, from what he's been writing me. He questions himself, on why he is doing this, and answers himself saying there's no point in rationalizing it and whatever made him take this decision is a good thing. I guess sometimes we miss chances just because of this stupid human fear of rejection. Taking a chance is worth it. We just need to keep our feet on the ground when we know it's a long shot and we might get hurt. But it's a risk worth taking. The joy of something this rare happening to us is immensely greater than any heartbreak. I am so happy right now! My question is... What do I do? I am so overwhelmed that I lost most of my rational thinking. Last email was his, confirming everything, sending me the flight details, saying he can't wait to ask me how I have been, and all the details of what I've been doing, in between kissing me. He ends it with a see-you-soon and some cute sweet words. Should I answer this? I don't know what to write him. I already had told him I'd be at airport, and that I'm happy that he's coming. Should I lay low and not say anything? I'd like us to keep in touch until he comes but my mind is a total blank. I don't want to give too many hints of how things will go over here because that will increase the expectations, and high expectations lead to disappointment. Help meeeee! I need advice! ;)I'm realistic. After all this, I will probably be sad. If things don't go very well, I'll be sad for obvious reasons. If things go well, I'll be sad because he'll be away for 4 months, in a place where we can't just book a flight to see each other. Still, totally worth it. I can't wait to see him again. I'm a bit scared too. But mostly super-happy.I have no idea why he decided to come without even thinking twice, but truth is, if it had been him asking me the same thing, I would have said yes faster than I can blink.I see so many people here who are unhappy and heartbroken, asking for advice. I understand that those would have priority to have their questions answered over me. But please, someone help me. I don't know if this is mere infatuation or the real thing. But it feels like the real thing right now. I don't want to ruin it. What do I do now? How do I keep in touch, to keep him excited about coming over? I want to give us the chance to continue getting to know each other until we're together again. But my mind... blank..I am thankful for any thoughts/comments/feedback that anyone out there can give me.
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female
reader, cat lady  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Do NOTHING to 'keep him excited.' That has to come from him and there's nothing you can do to put it there. I do know just how you feel - everybody here remembers feeling like that. Do not pin yourself to a board like a hapless butterfly in a science project. Prepare for this visit exactly as you would in the case of a favorite relative or friend and you'll feel much more confident:
Know what he likes to eat and drink? You should by now if you've done a lot of talking. Don't spend a lot of money, just make sure those 'basics' are very good. You must have very good tea and coffee, for example, if he drinks either. Get serious: music in the cup. Prepare some food ahead so you don't have to rush around later. Make some good bread, if you have time (if he eats it) because what you make with your own hands is not only better-tasting and better for you but it carries your energy. These simple things make more of an impression than you can imagine.
If you're thinking of making any changes to your appearance, do it now; again, so you don't have to fuss later. Same goes for your house. Prepare yourself to be able to RELAX when he gets here, not fret over details. Treat this visit just as if it were your brother (or whomever you prefer of your male relatives) coming to visit and you won't show nerves. You are not the family pet and should never look like you're trying too hard to please.
Here's how I got a 'proposal' from my husband:
We had been out socializing in a tavern with my roommates and walking all over town because the weather was nice. We had extra space, so my 'quarry' was invited to stay. Now, I was so tired (helped by the beverages, no doubt) I didn't even remember doing the following before I went to bed because it was so automatic; I did it every day for our household:
In the oven was this collection: a large loaf of my bread, a couple of chickens stewed in vermouth and a pepper casserole like my dad used to make. I had gone straight to the kitchen and prepared a meal for a slow oven that would allow me to 'crash' for a few hours without watching it. (a yeast dough, you can put into a cold oven and leave it alone for hours if the heat's low and it'll still be perfect) When we all got up in the morning, I'm standing there like: when on earth did I do THIS? My husband said, anyone who could pull that off half-drunk could not be allowed to get away.
It's not the fancy, exotic things you offer that make a man think of sharing a home with you but rather those basic comforting everyday things that he wants to have all the time in his life. If a man tells you he doesn't care if you can cook or not, he's lying. Don't depend upon others to do those simple things, even if you're rich and can hire a caterer. You want to show that you can generate wonders out of your hands and that if times ever got hard, you could make a home anyplace. 'He' may not ever tell you that but if he has any intelligence, he's thinking it.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Well, it is exciting that he is coming to see you before he goes to China. When he gets back from China how likely is it that you will be able to meet again?
You did say you were both starting to write less often. Do either of you have computers with Skype installed on them so you can send IMs and also video-visit with the use of webcam and microphone? That's easier than letter-writing....
It IS at this stage, more infatuation than anything else. Nothing wrong with that, only that it takes many meetings and seeing one another when you are in good moods and bad, all part of getting acquainted and discovering whether you are really compatible.......how much opportunity will there be for that?
What I'm saying is, enjoy the time together, but don't get your hopes and expectations up too much.
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