A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years now.. we are planning a baby and to buy a house together. Sometimes we have blazing rows which out me in bad form. Last blazing row we had ... I started thinking about my ex. Just curiosity. Maybe sometimes I think my current girlfriend could be more like her in certain ways. Mind you... my ex and I had an awful relationship for one year about five years ago. She was mean and manipulative. It took me a long time to get over her and I thought I had when I met my current girlfriend, who gets jealous of my ex. What do I do?
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female
reader, MSA +, writes (27 July 2015):
 Honeypie totally nailed it. Sometimes the issue is in yourself but you can't see it. Things that you do, your reactions.. they trigger the same response from your ex and current GF. The change should perhaps come from you. Never.. and never, compare two people, every one is different and unique with their own quality and flaws. To love is to accept.Many men think that by ignoring the issue, pretending it never happened, or brushing it under the carpet will help resolve the problem. News - it doesn't. You need to talk about it and deal with it.. find a solution, work on it.People don't get jealous for no reason. Something must have happened or is continuously happening that caused her to be jealous. I'm guessing it has something to do with your statement "... I started thinking about my ex."
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 July 2015):
 It might be the type of women you gravitate towards? Maybe they are very independent (or whatever it is that makes you two butt heads).
Comparing her to the ex though is "mean" of you - it almost seems like you are looking for a way out? Before the "marriage/kids" trap shuts tight on you?
She is not your ex. But if some of the same SHIT is happening all over with a new women... what is the common denominator in all that? (hint... it's you).
In general what are these BIG rows about? Are they later resolved? OR do the two of you ignore the issue and pretend it never happened?
Some people are not very good with conflict. Some will drag old issue out of the bag at every turn.
There is more going on than you mention I think, for instance.. the ex. WHY is your current GF so jealous of her? You still in contact? You talk about her "too much"?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2015): Op here. To clarify, sometimes I wish my current girlfriend was more like my ex. My ex wasn't insecure and didn't really care what I did. My current girlfriend can be insecure but I think she's quite intuitive. She seemed to guess that I may have still not been 100 percent over my ex when we started dating. But I think I am now. Though I do think of her often it's because she was a big part of my life. Is that normal?
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