A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:dont know where to start with this but here goes i have been with my partner 8years he is a great guy loving and caring in his own way until he has too much to drink then he gets nasty but its always with me he doesnt hit me its verbal mental torture hes always really sorry the day after, we have parted for a few days in the past but this time he has moved back home with his parents for the past week he says he loves me but needs time to sort his head out because he cant keep hurting me like he does i do agree we need space to think about our relationship but is this his way of telling me its over, he said he would come home tomorrow but we would just go back to how it was and he wants to change for the better, i am confused. do i leave him alone and get on with my life or wait and see what happens i love him to bits but dont know what to do for the best please someone help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): I am sorry, but you need to face the fact that this man is an alchoholic...he is near 40 and had to move in with his parents, he's a nasty drunk....what is it exactly that is good for you in this relationship? Verbal abuse is abuse. Verbal abuse can escalate to physical abuse. Even he recognizes he is abusing you and fears being around you.
He isn't relationship material. This is a deal breaker, substance abuse and verbal abuse is an absolute deal breaker. Have some self respect and tell him to stay away from you.
You are an enabler if you allow his drinking and abuse to go on. You are contributing to his problem by doing that, not helping him. He has to get sober, he has to do that on his own, you can't fix this. Accept that this relationship is toxic and get out of it anc choose better next time. Sorry, but that is the truth of the matter.
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (18 July 2010):
Well i think the best for you was for him to leave even tho you don't feel like that right now! you can't hang on to something that doesn't want to stay. yes move on and don't look back. his problem of drinking will only get worse if he doesn't put it away. and maybe what hes telling you is he does need time to figure things out? and i would let him know that you understand only because you cannot tolerate the drinking. and mental abuse is the same as phyiscal!
and your relationship will only get worse not better. allowing each other time and space is good for the both of you. so continue on w/ your life! and your daily routines and let him catch up w/ you and he will if he truly loves you! and if he doesn't then after 8 yrs you wasn't that importan to him. and i would rather know now then 20 yrs down the road because life doesn't stop for you but only if you make wrong choices? and healthy choices in your life! can only inprove your daily living and better decisions on your part and to handle and understand things in a different light and total peace of mind!
Best Wishes!
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 I think you know that if he continues to drink and do this that it will be over anyway. Unless he has parted from you to work on getting sober I would say that it is and should be over for your sake. He may say he loves you but his actions when drunk are just amplified versions of what he actually thinks anyway. You need to move on and I know you love him but he needs to love himself emough to know when to quit and maybe if he can do this you two can work things out in the future.
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