A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy a little under a month ago and I really like him. He's made it clear that he doesn't want a serious relationship but he constantly tells me how much he likes me and cares for me and is always showering me with compliments and affection. We started sleeping together recently and we get on really well. We're being quite private about our situation and haven't told people what we're doing, so a lot of the people we know have just assumed that we're going out even though we're not. We act kind of coupley and I'm not really sure how to take it. We don't really hold hands in front of our friends but we do flirt pretty obviously and they've seen us kissing. Like, he's very cuddley and lets me sleep in his tshirts.He's told me that he doesn't know if he would want to commit at some point or not. One of the things that keeps coming back to me is the fact that he's a few years older than me (I'm 18) and he said he would have never considered anyone even a little bit younger than him until me. Does that show that he could change his mind about a relationship?I keep thinking if this is really casual, would he really be acting like this? Would he not have corrected the people who think we're together? I'm happy with how we are but I just really want to know what's going on. I've talked to him and I've said pretty much everything that he's told me in this, I just want another opinion.I've never been in a relationship, I've only had FWB, and this is VERY different to my FWB- this is much more tender and meaningful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): I do not have low self esteem. The fwb thing that happened before was a mistake, but that was a long time ago and I am fully confident in myself and my worth. We don't get "caught" doing anything, we're aware that we're surrounded by our friends when we do things publicly and we're rarely subtle about anything. He isn't playing me, and I wasn't letting him do anything to quickly. The first time we spent the night together, all we did was hold hands and then I made him sleep in the bed on the opposite side of the room to me. I am fully aware that I am letting him in and letting him sleep with me. He is a genuinely nice guy, my friends have known him for years and years and they've seen what he's like with girls and how guilty he gets by even just kissing someone who likes him more than he likes her.All I want to know is why are we being such a couple if we're not and if he might change his mind like he changed his mind about our age difference.
A
female
reader, ShiShisAdvice  +, writes (23 November 2011):
 Wow, if you could only see how you sound. You have really low self-esteem to allow yourself these types of FWB relationships. To stay clear of them is to stop SLEEPING with these guys. You are headed for some serious heartbreak if you keep this up. You are worth a guy being yours and proud to show you to the world. Getting "caught" kissing does not mean you are his girl. It means he is "playing" you. Take a break from it all, stop letting these guys use you. Men do not, have never, liked women who are "easy".
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