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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Basically, I am ashamed of myself for dating someone as horrible as my ex was. He is now a heavy drug user and dropped out of college. He still tries to reach out to me and asks for friendship but I decline as I'm currently in a relationship. He's pretty delusional, always telling me "it's the weed talking" when he talks to me and looney things like that. I'm so embarrassed that I let this guy ruin my high school reputation, he forced me to do "things" in public, in an elevator, etc..and he'd get mad when I didn't do them. He also forced me to have sex with him and I didnt enjoy my first time at all. Right now I'm in a loving rship for 2 years but I'm just super ashamed at the 3 years I spent chasing after my ex. The pain, the tears, the low self esteem..I found the courage in me to dump him after 3 miserable years but I still hate myself for it. How do I get over this?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 November 2011):
 Accept that you aren't perfect. You are a human. You have your moments of weakness too, and you make the wrong decisions for yourself, just like EVERYONE else also does. What you should be proud of is that you mustered up the courage to leave an abusive relationship, without letting his actions put a stigmatizing label on your head. He is the one who did the wrong-doings, don't take the responsibility for his actions on to yourself. Let the responsibility stay with him, where it belongs. He was not good for you, and in the end you DID leave, you didn't waste your time on him. I feel foolish over mistakes I too made with an ex, believing him through all his lies and being naive and hopeful for love, when the truth was he was self centered and full of lies, and used me financially.
But you should be proud that you left, and even more proud of another thing: you've learned. You have learned from this, and you have grown. You are a stronger woman now because of this. And with this experience you will improve your life. Be proud of that, and be proud of who you are.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (24 November 2011):
 Firstly you need to come to terms with your past.
There is nothing you can do to change your past so just forgive yourself for allowing the situation with him to happen in the first place. You did not know any better then.
Your ex is making you feel uncomfortable so stop talking to him.
Cut his negative influence in your life now and let him follow his own path.
I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, ShiShisAdvice  +, writes (23 November 2011):
 We all go through that deep shame. Just try to avoid ANY and all contact with him. Change your number if possible and protect your boyfriend from harm. So happy you found a good guy, so happy you did not end up in jail or on drugs. Be proud of yourself and pray to God for forgiveness, that's all it takes.
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