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female
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*hatterd In Sydney
writes: I broke up with my bf about 9 months ago. even after all this time, it still hurts as if it were yesterday. We have had alot of ups and downs since our break-up, things that have made the situation even worse at times. There are times when we can have real heart to heart talks like we used to, but it seems that most of the time he doesnt want me in his life. During one convo he admitted that he still did love me and that he could see us possibly getting back together, and that until then he wanted to remain very good friends. He also appologized for hurting me as badly as he did during our break-up. Only a few days later he told me that he didnt want to talk to me and asked me to stay out of his life. He hasnt spoken to me since, and thats been almost a month. He also admitted to me that he didnt love his new girlfriend like he loved me and that he missed the things that made our relationship special. I just dont understand what his game is. Is he hurting me b/c he doesnt know what he wants? Or is he just playing me for a fool? I love him more than anything and I have no doubt that he once loved me but my heart cant take much more. I cant even be with anyone else b/c I've been hurt so badly. Please Help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2006): You were right to break up with him, a boyfriend with alchohol and drug problems is a real red flag, a real deal breaker.
His actions now seem to make more sense to me, a person with an addiction problem cannot make a true commitment to any person because their main relationship is with their drugs and alcohol, not only that as the disease progresses, a destruction of the person's personality and character takes place, so much so that they are esentially mentally ill.
I know it hurts because you care, I have been in a similar situation, but the best thing to do is to extricate yourself from him and let him go, you can't help someone unless they want to change or you have some sort of financial control over them and can force them into rehab, otherwise, he has to do it on his own volition, which is very unlikely....Unless you want a lifetime with an emotionally unavailabe, inconsistent, and cruel man, leave now.
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reader, Shatterd In Sydney +, writes (25 November 2006):
Shatterd In Sydney is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey,
I guess I should have been a little more clear.. it wasn't actually ME that ended things..
it was more him that wanted to end things b/c he said that he wasnt really ready to commit to anything (FYI he's 21) and that and he has drug and alcohol problems. I know that you're probably thinkin that its good that things are over if thats the case but to be honest I was willing to stick by his side despite those problems...
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reader, Learning2Love +, writes (25 November 2006):
 I think he was hurt by the break up and is having problems trusting you with his heart again.
If you see a future with him, then let him know in no uncertain terms.
Otherwise just move on. By the way why did you break up with him in the first place? Just curious.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2006): I think your ex would be with you if he felt the passion and desire to be with you.
Sometimes people say things because they are not sure what they want, and it is not very nice for him to do this to you because his actions do not back up his words.
If it bothers you too much not to know what is going on with him then I would let him go, if you think you might want him back, you could try to stay in contact with him, but I would not beg him or pressure him in any way by telling him how you feel or how hurt you are, because I don't think it would get the results you are hoping for.
It is best to just be acting as if you do not need him in your life, that you are happy on your own, and then go out and make that happen for yourself by staying active and continuing to date other guys if you want to.
He will then maybe see that you are not too needy and have a renewed interest, but that remains to be seen. And in the meantime, you aren't waiting for him to come back but living your own life....and if he does look you up again, you can decide if you want him back in your life and on what terms.
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