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female
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anonymous
writes: Well i've met this married guy on a web site,we have been emailing and talking to one another for 5 weeks now.We have met up on a number of occasion,but have just gone for a few drinks,thought we was both looking for friendship to begin with,but there is a sexual attraction there which we are going to do something about.Thing is he has been married twice now both for 7 years,he found his second wife on the web.Does he get bored quick,is he just looking for fun,or another wife i don't know,don't like to ask anything about his marriage,all he says he didnt really want to get married the second time,is there problems or what.My marriage is on the rocks anyway and on the verge of breaking up.I know its wrong to do what we are doing but if things aren't good at home then you look for happiness somewhere else. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (5 April 2006):
 First off, if you are unhappy with your marriage, having an affair isn't going to help it. You should just get a divorce from your husband before you go any further with this other relationship. Why would you want to hurt him like that? You should just get rid of him first and then try and pursue this other relationship you seem so interested in.
If the other guy was actually worth it and wanted you he would wait until this was over and done with before going on with your guys' relationship. You two don't really have that much respect for other's feelings, how are you going to with eachother. That's fine if you want to have an affair and hurt other people's feelings, that's all on you, no one can tell you what to do, but why? Aren't there simpler ways out there that can resolve problems instead of making them worse?
Anyways, like Irish49 says about this gentlemen that may make you his next Mrs. but get rid of you 7 years down the road also, why would you want this? I sure hope you wouldn't.
I think you need to get rid of your husband and divorce him before things get further and find someone that is better than this guy you want. I wouldn't pursue anything with some guy like this. You can find a guy that isn't going around to different women trying to find a relationship that he doesn't get bored with.
Good luck though on the choices you make and I hope you make some good ones. Just please, don't hurt anyone in the process or better yet don't get yourself hurt!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2006): As you are asking about HIM, specifically, here are my thoughts. I think he's bored silly. For him it's that ole 7 year itch. In truth-he's 2 wive's down and you could even possibly become his side dish honey until the next woman comes along or maybe, even his next Mrs. But you need to discern his past history and take note of his track record. If this were to happen, there is that possibility you could be replaced yourself, 7 years down the road. Frankly, I cannot see how a woman can be happy with a man who has a history of bouncing from marriage to marriage. How do you ever build trust with a man like this? If he's meeting women on the web, I can almost say without a doubt, you may not be the only one, hun. And don't forget there are other people's emotions and lives, involved here. He still has a wife. You have a husband. The discovery of a partner's affair can hit a person with the force of a runaway train. How would you feel in her shoes. Aside from that one needs to ask themselves, what are some other possible reasons, he wants to cheat? No satisfisfaction or stimulation in his current relationship. He's too cowardly to end his relationship and could be concerned about financial/living situation if they split up. No longer interested in monogamy, likes various sex partners. He craves the initial excitement and illicitness of a "secret" affair. He needs to feel desired, and thinks current partner doesn't desire him. But I do think you should weigh the consequences more carefully. This boils down to choice and self-control. The challenge for you is to activate yourself to a higher self. It's easy to say, I can't help myself, but I say that's hogwash. Temptation is everywhere and I'm sure you have resisted before. You will be putting your heart and emotions at great risk. Why don't you either try to work at your marriage problems or just cut your husband loose if you are unhappy. After doing that, empower yourself as an independent, free thinking woman and go it on your own. The feelings of incredible success, accomplishment and self-respect will enhance your life, in an amazing way. And when you are a happier, more whole person..you'd be surprized at the happiness that will walk through the door. Hope you make the best choice for you, dear. Good luck and stay strong.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 April 2006):
 My,my, marriage can be such an impediment to having a good time, can't it!? Luckily, you can ignore the fact that you are married so effortlessly. And the best part is that you have found someone who doesn't have any honor or integrity either. You deserve each other.
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