A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy about a year ago now-we met online and met up, we got on well and had a laugh, he didn't push for sex or anything like that, he was really respectful, I had a boyfriend at the time but the relationship was on its way out due to him being violent and I told the new guy this (not about the violence though) and he was cool with it.We met up a couple of times after that and had a good time, I thought we seemed quite well suited and he seemed interested in a relationship, we kissed and stuff but he never pushed for anything else. One time my boyfriend got hold of his number and rang him and he was so nice about it, he seemed more concerned that I was okay,I think he got the jist that he was violent, although I didn't tell him, I didn't moan about my relationship at all, just said that it wasn't working out and that I was in the process of leaving him.Anyway,we saw eachother a few times then there were a couple of times he let me down at the last minute, then I was a bit unreliable myself for a few weeks as I was really busy.Then he disappeared for a couple of months, then popped up again, texting but then not arranging to meet up-we did eventually meet up a couple of times and I thought it went well (by then I'd finished with my boyfriend and I told him that) but then he was just texting for weeks and weeks either planning to meet up and then he would cancel or just not mentioning meeting up at all.He can't be that busy-it's like he's not interested but then when we meet up he treats me like he's very interested! I don't know if he was just after sex and then gave up cos I didn't put out (the last time I saw him he was kissing me more and trying to feel me up and stuff) but then why text at all? or maybe he thinks I'm not interested but then I try and show him I am without coming across as desparate, it's just that I haven't slept with him yet-I guess a year is a long time not to but I don't feel we know each other well enough yet as we never see each other! He now hasn't texted for 2 weeks so I don't know what to think-I don't know if hes scared of my ex or something but then I wouldn't have thought he'd even text making arrangements to meet up! It doesn't seem like he has a girlfriend/girlfriends either-what would you guys make of this situation? I don't know whether to just give up but he's the nicest guy I've met for ages and good looking, funny, ambitious just what I go for...
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ambition, has a girlfriend, kissing, met online, my ex, text, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 June 2017):
 Well nobody knows but him the real reason he doesn't appear to be interested, if I had to guess he probably never saw you as girlfriend material, I mean who would if you where out kissing him when you where with a boyfriend, he probably felt you would do the same to him eventually. My guess is he had a bit of fun with you but that is all.
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (21 June 2017):
 you don't say how far he is from you , and it looks as if he has done all the running or most , without making a realy long post , I would phone him up and tell him as it is , you know him now not to play the ballroom of romance games , as a guy I would think more of a woman that asked if I am with a woman and if free that she could tell me she was intrested in building something with me , you don't have to scare him off and say you want to have his babys or be buried with his people ,tell him your intrested and would like to see if you could build something together , he will then say yes or no
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): First you had an active relationship, next it was ex trouble; and then you got too busy. Your ex gives him a call, but he wasn't aware the dude is violent and you were in a troubled-relationship.
A year has passed, and he tries to be sexy and get busy; but now you're not ready for sex. You seem to have a great time together, and sometimes dates have to be canceled. You used to have boyfriend troubles, but he's a cool guy. He waited and no pressures.
If canceling dates becomes a habit; then the last-time should be the last-time.
It is likely that he may be expecting sex; but by all indications he has lost interest by now. I think he's met somebody else; but gave it one more try. It didn't workout.
It's unfair for us as uncles and aunts to always declare or imply there are always bad intentions behind everything the guy does in the situation. If he lost interest, he lost interest. It's normal for guys to want sex. It's normal that they may sulk if they don't get it. It's still your call.
My advice. Don't sweat it one way or the other. Forget about him and move on. Your options are open, you're free now!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): To answer your question: take his actions to mean he's not interested and move on.
But as a general rule of thumb, if you want a guy to be clear about whether he's interested, you might want to be clear on your end, too. He might have been confused about what you wanted since you were still with your boyfriend. I hope you've left the violent bf now? And maybe now you're in a better place to look for a relationship.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (21 June 2017):
Well, it seems that he's interested in sex with you but not in a romantic relationship with you. I don't think this has anything to do with your ex. If YOU want a relationship, then I think you should be looking elsewhere as this guy is being inconsistent.
A guy who is interested in a relationship won't "disappear" for a couple of weeks or "forget" about dates to get together. A guy who is just after sex/FWB will often do such things.
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