A
female
age
30-35,
*ersey Girl 1210
writes:Hello! I'm 25 and I've been married for 3 years, and I have been relatively happy until now, when I suddenly realized (or suddeny admitted to myself) that I am not in love with my husband any more, and I don't think I have been for almost our whole relationship (6.5 years). I moved to Jersey (CI) for him after we married and we have just bought a house together, and I am happy here, but I see him as more of a roommate than a husband. I love him dearly but I hate being intimate with him, and I could count my my fingers the amount of ones we have had sex while we've been married. Up until now my self confidence has been so low that I felt like I had no choice but to marry him, as he was my first proper boyfriend at Uni and I thought no one else would want me if we broke up. But recently I started taking anti depressants to help with my social anxiety, which has made me more self confident, and I want to meet new people and go on dates, I want to make the most of my youth and be fun and social, not a boring housewife. The thing is the only people I know here are my husbands friends and family, we're all very close and if I broke my husbands heart they would all hate me, so I would have to leave my job, leave the island and move in with my parents, which I'm not sure I really want. The other problem I have is that I think I've fallen for one of my husbands friends - we've just all been on holiday together and I couldn't stop thinking about us being together, I even forgot I was married and I felt like I was single, but as soon as we got home we were 'the couple' again, and I liked being the independent person I was on holiday. So I suppose my question is, should I break up with my husband and stay in Jersey (and risk running into my husbands family) for the slightest chance I could be with his friend (who would have to give up his friends to see me, and who probably doesn't see me that way anyway), should I break up with my husband and leave this life I am happy with that we have built together to move back home to my parents and start again on my own, or should I keep quiet and live with my decision to get married so young and forget any chance of being in love again?
View related questions:
broke up, confidence, on holiday, roommate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 June 2017):
 Yes divorce your husband. You use all these excuses about social anxiety and feeling nobody else would have you so you where forced to get married. But nope nobody actually forced you. Not once do you say how hard this would be on your husband. I think divorce him and move away from Jersey, trying to get with his friend would just be another kick in the teeth when he is down already. Don't be that cruel.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (22 June 2017):
You should divorce so that your husband can find someone who loves him. The poor guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 June 2017):
 You should divorce your husband, but not to be with his friend.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): Hi
Your not alone. It's weird that I feel like that about my husband too. We had a child young and we have been together for over 11 years and married 3 years. I sometimes think maybe being engaged for 5 years was a sign maybe not to get married. I have other reason for falling out of love with my husband but now I'm here just for my daughters happiness. Sad but true and it happens. If you guys don't have any children you should go ahead and move on and get a divorce. It gets complicated with children involved.
...............................
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (21 June 2017):
No I don't think you should get divorced from your husband because you MIGHT be with his friend. This guy hasn't given you an OUNCE of encouragement and it would be a big ask to expect him to lose his friends and his family just so he can have you - especially in a small place like Jersey.
But I do think you should divorce your husband. This marriage doesn't sound like a happy one and your feelings of dissatisfaction will only grow - especially if you're fantasising about an exciting life outside the marriage and continue to crush on your husbands best friend.
So get divorced and move back home to your parents and start over. And use your increased self-confidence to work on your own personal growth as a singleton for a while. Yes, you might be sad to leave the island and your job but you will be moving on to bigger and better things
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): Why do you want to leave the life you say you are happy with?
Youve been on a great holiday, no doubt paid for by hubby and his best friend has been very attentive and charming for the duration of it.
This does not mean that he sees you as anything more than the best friends wife!
Many men go overboard in a man / man + woman situation.
Yes he flirted a little but maybe its all that sun that's gone to your head.
Are you serious that in all that time you've been married you've only had sex with your husband 5 times!
Are you actually trying to tell us that your husband and his friend are gay and you are just a willing piece of camoflage?
All things considered you might choose to think this over.
But be warned about the best friends flirtatious attentions to you.
It may have felt good at the time but he may have more in common with his mate than you do and old loyalties tend to run deep, though not neccessarily in your case!
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (21 June 2017):
 The only important issue here is your marriage, and. It appears to meet is a marriage that is never going to work. If you're not madly in love in the first few years and having lots of sex together, it's not going to work in the long term. You need to sort out this issue first before looking to the future. Dating your husband's friend is probably not a good idea. He would be torn in two directions and your (ex) husband would be humiliated. Best to start afresh away from your past. I'm sorry things haven't worked out but you are still young and have the chance to rebuild. Just be kind to your husband when you tell him things are over x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): "The other problem I have is that I think I've fallen for one of my husbands friends-"
" I am not in love with my husband any more, and I don't think I have been for almost our whole relationship (6.5 years)."
"I want to meet new people and go on dates, I want to make the most of my youth and be fun and social, not a boring housewife."
Yes, you should divorce your husband.
...............................
|
