A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some help understanding guys behaviour.There's a guy I work with who I have developed strong feelings for. He has been flirting with me for a while, but I hadn't really taken much notice at first,until I noticed he would blush around me and fidget as if he was nervous and follow me around. Over the last few months we have become a lot closer,as we do have an awful lot in common with each other, likes and dislikes, upbringing and so on.We laugh at the same things and I can feel quite a bit of chemistry between us. He does seem to be pursuing me and finds a way to talk to me, compliment me and interact with me all the time. He even looks out for my arrival and makes a point of speaking with me before I leave and looks sad when I do. He has also checked me out many times in the past so that I can see him doing it. He doesn't do that as much now, but I can feel him(and do catch him)watching me constantly AND INTENSELY whilst I am working. He watches my eyes and mouth a lot when we are alone talking. He also seems to be touching me at every opportunity on my arms, hands, back and waist and legs with lingering touches. He also makes excuses to whisper in my ear so that his face touches mine.The problem is,because I have seen him watching and flirting with other women from time to time, I can't get past the feeling that he has an ulterior motive, he must know I like him by the way I am with him but he has not asked me out,or even hinted. He does have my number but has not contacted me that way even with a friendly text, though he knows he could.I also know he has contact with other women at work and texts at least one of them.I can't understand why he would go to these lengths to show me he likes me and then not make a move at all.I do know that if these are just friendship building techniques on his part, then he is very overboard!Does it sound like he is just playing around with my feelings for the thrill of it?It is confusing me because I do know/feel that he really likes me by the way he is with me and the things he says to me.I really do think a lot of him and would not want to lose him as a friend, but at the same time, I don't want to feel that he is messing me around for fun, it would hurt me.He does not appear to be shy, and I have a major problem with a fear of rejection, but it has been a while now and I need to know where I stand with him.If I didn't like him I would be feeling stalked by now.Would it be okay to come right out and ask him what he is playing at and if he is serious about his behaviour?If so, can I have some ideas as to what to say please.I don't think I can stand it much longer!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): His flirting does sound over the top, and it sounds like you've responded favorably to his flirtations enough that he should know you're interested. What greatly concerns me, is that you mentioned he flirts with other women in the office too. Also, it's a little disconcerting that you think he has some sort of ulterior motive. You might be right. I don't know what this guy's character is like, but it sounds like he's trying to get you to ask him out instead of vice versa.
There are consequences to an office romance that has gone sour. From personal experience, it is very awkward, and very difficult to work with an ex-boyfriend who works at the same office. Look, and look hard, before you leap. How are you going to handle it if this guy rejects you now, or in the future? How will you handle it if this guy breaks up with you and dates another woman in the office? For your sake, I hope you find a nice guy outside the office. Good luck.
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