A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright, guys. Here's the tough one, and I need to know what to do.Until recently, I've been with this girl for five and a half years. She is beautiful, caring, reserved, and I can't help but feel that she really loves me. Recently, our lives have gotten hectic. I work all day every day, and she has two part time jobs and goes to school. About four months ago, she started hanging out with a group of younger friends from her one job. They would go and get drunk, and I wasn't worried about it... Until one guy in particular started to stick out like a sore thumb. I stated my concerns, we talked about it, and she told me he is gay. Also that he came out of the closet to her, and not many people know this. So we continue on, life wears us down, and we start just getting irritated with eachother and everything in our lives, because we're overworked I'm the only person who tries to communicate my feelings, and whenever I ask her, all I get is "I don't know" about everything. Here's the timeline I never saw coming:july 5th, Gay dude posts online saying she is very attractive.July 9th, She breaks up with me, says she needs to figure our who she is as a person, but she still loves me with all her heart.July 12 he posted online saying they were taking a trip for "alchohol, water sports, hottubs, and more alchohol."So, I'm thinking "She never takes off work when I suggest a vacation, or even single days off to go to the beach", but she does now. She requested and got three days off for this.And now she is gone. Just left for three days. We live together, and she didn't leave the house. when she broke up with me.I am honestly freaking out hard. There is nothing but what she told me saying that this guy is actually gay, and It looks like she broke up with me to be with him, but she still says she loves me and this is nothing. That she just needs time away from the stress of life. And I guess that means me, even though she says that it doesn't. Am I getting played?She
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male
reader, aaringurl  +, writes (27 July 2011):
ahhww... (insert teary eyed-bunny)
Well, yea, you can't do much about it now. All you could do is cross your fingers I guess. And boy, even if you two, IF EVER & in the worst case scenario, ever broke up. Then atleast, till the very end you stayed true and faithful to her. I guess that's what's important.
You know what, take a break. I bet you've been taking in a lot of stress lately. A good icecream might help?(lol)
Anyways, Welcome ^.^
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHere's the update guys and gals. Thank you so much for this advice. I'm just at the point where I don't know what to think on my own.
Before she left, she promised that she'd only be staying till Monday. It wasn't forced, she just said that she would be back Monday after the question arose. Definitely Monday.
Today after telling me she loves me and misses me through several text messages, she sends me one that basically says: "Would Tuesday be a huge problem? His parents want to take us out for dinner. I understand if its not okay."
So I said: "Really its your choice. You know I'd feel better with monday, but it is your choice. I just miss you so much. If you'd call me later to talk about it, Id appreciate it a lot"
And she confirmed, and just called me a few minutes ago. We talked, and All I got when I said it would hurt a lot if she chose to stay when she promised she wouldn't is an "I don't know what to tell ya.", even when I brought up the fact that She said she'd understand if it wasn't okay. Also, this gay guy's non gay roomate is staying there with them. I'm pretty sure he's single.
I just think if I hang on like a faithful boyfriend I've got a good chance of being hurt even more than I am hurting right now. I'm so tore up its not even funny. All I want is for her to do something more than just say that she loves and misses me, when it seems so easy just to reassure me by coming home when she said she will.
Once again, thanks guys.
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A
male
reader, aaringurl +, writes (25 July 2011):
Yea, you're played. You're girlfriend .. oopss.. ex-girlfriend's a pretty good actress too! You know what, for me it seems you're girlfriend has fallen out of love for you. This happens especially to those who live together because you see each other everyday, the other person becomes too familiar that it starts to bore you in some way to the extent that you'd want to try out something new. You're girlfriend loves you, thing is, she's just bored with the kind of life cycle you two have right now so she's experimenting and looking for new things. She wants to feel that "feeling" again when(I think) you two were just starting off. That feeling that seemed lost nowadays.
But hey, it's not entirely you're fault, I can feel you're trying your best to hold on to you're end of the rope. So, if she really wants to go, let her, give her space to think about what she really wants. And oh yea, even if that gay guy she's with is really gay, if I were you, I'd still punch him if I found out he's eyeing for my girl. I'm gay myself, but when just let them have their paws away from me property, ima be "Girl, please!". hehe okay?
Good luck! Let us know what happened.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso; she has been texting me telling me she loves me and misses me from this vacation.
She says its really relaxing at this guys lake house, but she misses me a lot.
What If I'm being a crazy guy? What if HE really is gay, or SHE is really naive? I mean, She is my first and only, and I am hers... and she does swear that there is another girl from the same area they are staying in that is staying there too.
We were talking about this a couple nights ago, at 1 am and he texted her asking for a ride because he was too drunk to drive home. She just took me along to go pick him up, but that is a level of intimacy with someone else that as a boyfriend I don't know if I like. It really is her choice, but I sure as hell don't pick up my young, fit, rich friends of the opposite sex in the middle of the night. With her around or not.
I just feel that even if this is completely innocent; it is still something that anyone would be jealous about, And I'm being treated like a crazy person and part of the problem.
But at any rate, thanks so much for the advice so far guys;
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): You're turning into her back up plan if this new little romance fizzles. Tell her to choose now or stay gone! I have been guilty of calling a stupid crush gay so whoever I was with wouldn't suspect. I also know plenty of other girls who use the sam excuse. Its very selfish. So glad I've matured and I hope your girl does so too quick before she loses you. You need to say listen, I. Know what's going on so make a decision. Also, if this so called gay guy doesn't seem gay to you as a man to man situation, he's not gay. Why don't you ask him man to man, he bro never seen you with a girl except mine. What's going on?
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (24 July 2011):
 It does sound weird. I would say he is not gay and that he just wanted your girlfriend for himself. What a wank he's not only done the dirty on you but also on gay guys in general.
All the best dude this is a really hard situation for you.
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (24 July 2011):
 I personally don't think he is gay. However you should talk to him and your girlfriend. If she doesn't know what she wants then I would say goodbye and leave. It does seem very suspicious and it is definitively worth looking into.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2011): I would definitely kick her out the house. You don't break up with someone n still remain in their presence. She's been inconsiderate of your emotions and needs to heal. Just tell her to find somewhere to go bc u can't handle her as a roommate in your life right now.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 July 2011):
 It certainly sounds suss. If she needed time away from the stress of life, and it wasn't you, she would have gone somewhere with you.
My gut feeling is that he is not gay. So, start getting your life in order to move out of the house, clear up any loose ends with regard to lease etc.
In my opinion the best revenge is subtle. Ask him to take over your share of the lease agreement (or whatever). You move out all smooth and seemingly unconcerned, he moves in and they wont last more than a few months together ... and you can get on with your life.
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