A
female
age
36-40,
*lapure4
writes:This is not a relationship, love or sex question. This is strictly a friendship question. I've been close to a friend of mine for almost 10 years, and we've confided in each other about a host of things. From boyfriends to family and career ambitions. I'm familiar with her family and so is she! After high school, our lives went in different directions as most friendships do. I graduated from college and now pursuing work as a successful journalist. For the past five years, she's enrolled in different programs, dropped out of various businesses because she hasn't found her niche. As of now, she still trying to find her niche and hasn't worked toward it. In addition, she's has had a string of bad or failed relationships with men who don't add any value to her life. I've tried helping her along the way through the ups and downs - giving her advice and being there as a support system. It proves to be a waste of time with every breath I take because she shows no signs of building on her self-worth and growth patterns. In the past few years, some unexpected turns nearly severed our friendship when she began hanging around negative friends, and boyfriends included. Sometimes, she's gone as far as trusting a negative friend's advice over mine and being inconsiderate in certain situations where I felt invaluable as a friend. I'm between a rock and a hard place because I've known her for so long, but I've given thought to whether this friendship is really worth keeping. For a month, I've stepped back from her and the negativity surrounding her so I can wane myself from the friendship. Is this the right course of action or should I confront her? Either way, she won't feel good about this friendship coming to an end. Please help!!!
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 February 2011):
 I tend to take a step back. Before that step back I remind them of our friendship, and that I'll always be there for them whenever they feel like coming around, but for now I'm stepping away.
It sometimes happens, and I've found it's best to offer the advice, but if they aren't receptive, then just step away. They will remember who was there for them in the past. It's nearly impossible to forget that kind of thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): I had something simialr. I WAS friends with someone for many years she kept rining me up every time with advice over her latest man who obviously no good then she would not lsiten to any advice then say she doesnt have to take advice!!!! I know thats true but then dont keep asking for it.
She used me as a cover for when she cheated on her husband without asking me first-we had some good times but Im afraid the friendship ended and to be honest although I missed it at first I dont now because I was always afriad of some of the men she was mixing with and I did not want any of them coming after me when things went wrong as she had a habit of saying I said this and that so if your friendship finishes find another new friend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): I understand where you're coming from completely. I have an incredibly negative friend who makes things at least 10 times more complex than they need to be! I think you're being sensible by spending less time with her, as she may pick up the hint. Next time she does something really stupid, I'd probably be tempted to point it out to her and say something like ''this can't go on - I have problems of my own to sort out''. I must admit I'm on the verge of doing that with my friend but can understand that its so hard as you don't want to stand on her toes. Good luck x
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