A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'd been talking to this guy online for awhile now. Nothing serious, but we did initially plan to meet up over the summer. We clicked pretty quickly and we were talking pretty regularly for awhile as friends when I decided to actually meet him, bringing some of my friends to shack up with some of his friends over a long weekend. Well, one of his buddies and I clicked - like really, really clicked - but I didn't want to hook up with this guy's friend right then because I felt like I had to spend time with the original guy since he's the whole reason I made the trip. And on top of that, the original guy seemed to really, really click with me in person even more than we did online. But his friend is more attractive.Fast forward a few months, and me and the guy's friend have been communicating regularly. We even entertained the idea of going someplace together this summer. But I'm still talking to the original guy, too. My question is: would hooking up with the guy's friend be betraying the original in any kind of way? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): No, since you guys haven't actually been boyfriend and girlfriend officially, I don't think it's a betrayal on your part or on his buddy's part.
Ashleydance puts it perfectly, though, when she says you need to make a choice now and be honest. Flattering though it is to have several guys running after you, it only causes pain in the long term if there's any confusion about your availability. Better to be straight and honest right now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): If your relationship (such as it is at this point) is based on the assumption that there is something between you both then yes it would be a betrayal. If you're not ready to make a commitment to him (and there is no reason you should at this point) then it ought be made clear that you're both still single and free to date others.
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A
female
reader, ashlydance33 +, writes (16 February 2011):
 That's pretty tough but the heart wants what the heart wants.
I know a girl who met her husband the same way. She met a guy online but ended up falling for the guy's friend who she ended up marrying.
It could be seen or felt like betrayal on his part but if you are not in a committed exclusive relationship then, personally, I say no. HOWEVER, if you have made the choice (and it seems you have made the choice) between the two, you need to be straight forward and honest with *both* of them. The longer you put it off, the harder its going to get.
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