A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am in a committed relationship.its going to be 8 months,well my bf really loves me a lot,no doubt in that.its a ldr. umm...sometimes my bf sounds crazy,i mean just for fun he will abuse me,make fun of me,will call me a fool!when i say why is he doing that...he says i really love you and you are like my own soul,so i dont mind saying all these stuffs!moreover i have got small boobs,he comments like anything.he says dont worry i will make it a basketball!then once i was telling him that how by mistake a man kept hand on my boobs as i was in a crowd,he said i would have broken his hands.then after sometime he said that even if that man keeps his hand on a male or on you,both are the same!and he started laughing,i said i dont like it...then he said i was just joking,sorry.and then i got annoyed and said dont worry let 4 guys f**k me then i'll be ok,i m serious.(i just said like that as i was annoyed).and he said dont say like that,i love you,i was just joking!then he said leave i dont want to talk...i asked why..he said nothing,i realised that he was crying!!!i asked why?he said no,i m not crying.i said take my swear and say that you are not crying...he started making excuses,that i dont believe in all these....blah blah..i want to ask is this behaviour normal?i mean he insults like this and says he was just kidding and he considers me as his own body and therefore he says nothing he feels like.thanks for your patience to read this.
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male
reader, Vickidude +, writes (7 March 2010):
 I am from Delhi , and we don't treat friends like that here , we don't call them a slut or a whore or a khotewali lol. And you told that you want to control guys , deep down every girl wants to , but they want to conquer him first , but you've already won this loser, and stripping off someone of dignity is not love. Ok , maybe he loves you , and he may abandon everything for you , but if you had loved him , you wouldn't even have thought about making him lick your spit. Thats gross. Apart from that , no I wouldn't do it for any girl , even If I love her , because a girl who loves you cannot even think about insulting you that way.And , Though I have had fun with countless girls , I have not yet been in love with the right girl , so I ain't gonna give you tips. Tc
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): I'm quite confused about all this now. In your original question you sounded genuinely upset and concerned about how your boyfriend is treating you. But in your updates, you laugh some of it off, make excuses for him, and think of ways to get "even" with him, to teach him a lesson.
I'm not sure if all of this is stemming from a lack of self-esteem. Or if, in your eyes, all of this is in fact normal in a relationship. My opinion is that it is not normal behaviour. And it seems everyone else who has responded here has the same opinion.
If YOU also think it is not normal, or is unacceptable, then I think you should consider leaving. But if you think it may be normal, or you are willing to put up with it, then by all means stay and continue. It is completely your decision. I would just like to ask that you are BOTH careful though, because huring yourselves in a relationship can get seriously out of hand. I know, I've been there.
So please, just be careful how you proceed here. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshoo!why not?love is blind afterall.yeah m crazy...i need a guy who follows me...but hey u know what, yesterday we were talking on phone and he calld me kothewali(prostitute)!!!and i asked why is he insulting me like that he said,in frndship dis is common...and u r also from india so u know how we frnds r and what we say!but neways thinking him to teach a lesson....and selfrespect?!well.... no other guy can lose it until he's completely fallen 4 a grl!if u were in such situation would u drink?no!so...?and he has left drinking alcohol for me..but dun know how to continue with this relationship....give me some tips.
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A
male
reader, Vickidude +, writes (6 March 2010):
That is absolutely disgusting :D you are a crazy girl lol . But think for a second , if he licks your spit , would you even want to be with a guy who can ruin his self respect just to pretend guilty to you ? This is not your love , you don't really love him !
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionr u sure?cuz umm....he makes me go crazy on bed!no we didn't had sex,but we did had sexual things.well he said sry to me and promised not to do it again:)lets see...i m thinking to insult him...jst 4 fun and to teach him a lesson.i m thinking that whenever he will cum to meet me..(as he lives far),i will take a bowl.will spit on that and will tell him to drink,lolz...if he drinks...then hehehe...no doubt he is really guilty!!!!
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A
male
reader, Vickidude +, writes (6 March 2010):
Lol , this is the age to be active in exploration of the dating scene , parents very well know this , just they don't make it obvious to us , in order to save few embarrassments Lol Anyways , nothing can justify the weirdness of this guy , I told you he is insecure lol. Apart from that just telling that you love someone is not to love someone . It should be proved with loving gestures. And the way he insults you , shows that he is an insecure moron , who can't express himself , and is obsessed with porn. Because this kind attitude of fear of approaching on one side , and on the other disrespecting a girl , stems out of porn obsession.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhmm...no my parents don't know.ofcourse i can't tell them now!but after few years...umm...i think the main problem with him is that he can't approach grls!!!he starts feeling nervous when he see any grl.somehow we met and had a good relationship.he's kinda philosophical personality.lolz..every month we used to wish each other...but now ah he always forgets!bt he do praises me,he says that i m the most beautiful grl,4 him,i am sexy,hot....good human being...but he cracks jokes like nething.so this is what putting me in confusion.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): Putting sindoor or any symbol of marriage in a closed room without any one else has no real significance. It is just emotional drama. Your boyfriend sounds dramatic. That is all.
You both sound really, really immature and seem to be playing at being a couple, what with swearing and blood and all that.
I agree with female anon - dating at your age should be fun and easy going. This sounds like anything but. It seems like its a forbidden thing in your culture which makes it all the more dramatic.
In places where 16 year olds date, the norm is to do it with their parents permission and approval. It is understood that it is emotional and some, limited physical exploration by teens.
Do your parents even know that you are "in a committed relationship", with blood in your hair? And joking about being "dont worry let 4 guys f**k me"? Is this who you want to be?
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A
male
reader, $izZle +, writes (5 March 2010):
 hey, let me just ask you a question forget bout the sindoor part of it for just a minute and tell me can you live with a guy who calls you names and disrespects you, maybe he is saying that her is just joking but seriously come on think bout it he should know whom he is talking to not some prostitute he is talking to his girlfriend, if he really loves you he would have had the courtesy to give you that 1 inch of respect, to give you the respect that you deserve further more on a personal note i don't think i wanna wake up to any one who calls me things like that that is not just rude that's insulting and if a person cant appreciate me for what I'm to hell with him then . i don't think i would wanna be with a person that doesn't respect me now he is using language soon he will start groping you ... about sindoor i don't think he knows the emotions and the significance behind it ... because if he did he wouldn't say those mean things bout you ... and don't worry bout your boobs they are just fine no man should love a woman for her boobs coz that's not love ... I'm truly sorry to hear all this .... and i wish you make the right choice ... good luck
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male
reader, Vickidude +, writes (5 March 2010):
Now thats the real indicator of a psycho , cutting his own finger :O , and even the worse part is that you consider this as an indicator of true love. Reading your original post , you appeared to me as a rational girl , but appreciating that gesture makes you sound a little crazy too.Anyways, I am from India , exactly your age , and at this age we should not even bother about sindur and marriage. This age is about having fun , making good connections and dating for fun , and NOT ABOUT harming yourself or a girls feelings and then telling that it is true love. It isnt , and after insulting you , he gets insecure , and tell you that you are his love as maybe he thinks he can't get another fine girl like you . Anyways , his behaviour is abnormal . Take care
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni agree....but he has done a lot for me.to express his love he even cut his finger with a blade and filled my upper portion of head with his blood!!!this has a great significance in hinduism.normally guys do it with a powder known as sindoor...which means marriage,if a guy feels that sindoor in a grls upper portion of head.he is really comitted and even i pass some jokes.bt still i will talk about it with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): Hi, this does sound odd. My ex partner used to make 'jokes' about things (I needed to lose a bit of weight and would call me 'piglet' for a 'joke' for example). After a while it came out more and more that he was verbally abusive, insecure and very psychologically damaged. On the surface he seemd ok-ish, had a job, never off sick, paid his mortgage and bills etc .. but there was something wrong with him. It was a drip drip effect, a little 'joke' here and a comment there .. before long he was calling me a 'bitch' and just generally behaving like a coward and a bully but didn't want anyone else to know!
If you don't like his behaviour and comments, he shouldn't do it. You are young and maybe is immature but you are definitely too young to worrying about this. Dating should be fun and at your age I think it should be light and easy going. Maybe you should back off him a bit and go out with your friends and family. 8 months might seem a long time but it's not long and actually it's not long enough for someone to show their true colours! You need at least 2 years I think before you know someone well and even after that, stuff can come out. My ex only really showed his true true colours after about 4 years! However there were warning signs similar to what you describe here and I didn't heed them. Keep your options open. At your age there are so many single guys who are not yet committed or married and don't have baggage from exes etc .. and you deserve to get the best one for you. The fact you are asking this question means you know in your heart that he is not behaving as he should do. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): No, I don't think this is normal at all. I think what he is doing to you is horrible. I know you say he loves you, but you do not insult, abuse, or intentionally hurt the person you claim to love. It all seems like a game to him, but this is not a game...these are your feelings.
He says he loves you, you are like his own soul, and so he doesn't mind saying this stuff to you. Well of course he doesn't mind! It's not him on the receiving end of the comments! And who cares if he minds or not? Isn't it about whether you mind or not? And you do mind, so he should stop.
I am utterly disgusted by the way this guy is treating you, and my suggestion is that you leave. You have tried to tell him how you feel, and he still thinks it's a joke. I worry that if you stay in this relationship, he will really start to wear down your confidence and self-esteem. There is nothing wrong with you at all. And as for you having small boobs...so what? If he cannot appreciate you the way you are, then he doesn't deserve you.
You are not his toy or plaything, or an object for his jokes. You are a human being with feelings. Please do not allow him to bring you down about yourself. If he won't stop, leave. You deserve so much better than this. Take care. x
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