A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I spent many years having a problem with porn. The main issues I had with it were three thingsFirstly I admit it made me feel he wanted the perfect bodies and saw them as more attractive My second issue was more that the secrecy around porn made me feel excludedMy third issue was the way in which much of porn uses offensive language or degradation of women ( something that one can can consider when selecting the porn they choose to watch)I realised after a lot of thought that within the context of a relationship I am actually ok with porn of I feel my partner is showing me that he actually wants me and desires me more than the porn women and is open about why he uses it and it's place in his lifeI figure that if he can masturbate to other women then it is not to much to ask that he makes the effort to express to me that I am more attractive and turn him on more than those women If that's not true then of course , I would expect we are not matched anyway Is this unreasonable ? People say men have a need for visual stimulation but many women have an emotional need to know that they are more sexually arousing to their partner than a porn star.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2014): I think that everyone is different and you've found a way of thinking that works for you.Some women feel their partner is too open and careless with the porn, leaving it out for her to see, and would rather never be confronted with the evidence, even though they accept that he's using it.You're the opposite. You prefer openness and discussion, which is valid and reasonable. You want to understand things from his point of view. You maybe have more of a problem with the hiding and lying than with the actual porn itself.Porn stars will always have better bodies than you. That's their job. If you want your guy to tell you you're the most PHYSICALLY attractive person he's ever seen, porn stars and supermodels included, then you're asking him to lie. What you should want instead is to feel loved, valued, respected, and to never feel second-place to those fantasy girls. He should be able to do that because you have something they never will, which is you exist in three dimensions and are a whole person, the one he chooses to be with. And guys really don't compare their partner's looks with those seen in porn anyway, they just don't think that way.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2014): I agree with Sageoldguy1465. Don't let porn ruin your life. Take it from someone whose had problems with it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (12 December 2014):
 You write: "I spent many years having a problem with porn..." I'd suggest that your REAL "problem" is with whoever "he" is... in your submittal.....
Your point of view about pornography is MORE than "reasonable".... in fact, it's downright accomodating...
Unfortunately, that "means" that you are, in fact, giving your B/F a "pass to act like an ass".... That is, allowing porn - a fantasy - to poison your's and his real (and actual) relationship.
If you were my Sister, I'd suggest that you dump this guy.
Good luck....
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