A
female
 ,
*up
writes:Hi plse help, ive wrote before im in my 30s and a virgin, been with my now ex bf for over 1 yr. He said he needed time to think 3 weeks ago and kicked me out then on saturday just gone i got a phonecall from his mum... his 8 y/o daughter passed on the message me and him are over. Hes been cheating on me with some woman he chats to on the internet....He used to hide msn convos from me after 3 months of me moving in with him and came home with a love bite on his neck one day after work but said his male mates had done it. So that means hes been cheating since august last yr. He also used to get violent and strangle me, put me down alot too, thats why i couldnt sleep with him...his daughter and his mum are on my side and are coming to see me in a few weeks so i can say goodbye properly. I cant help feeling its my fault cos i couldnt sleep with him and yet i gave up my life in my home town to move in with him. It hurts me so much i dont know how to get over it, plse plse help me?? x x
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female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (16 April 2007):
 No, it's NOT your fault because you didn't sleep with him. Sex is something that should be with someone you really trust and love. Sex is not an instrument to hold together a releationship that would break otherwise. If he was cheating you, used to get violent and strangled you, put you down alot and so on, that doesn't sound like a very happy releationship and I wonder how you could bear this for such a long time.
You are very much right not to sleep with him if you don't want to. And he has no right to domineer you. There is no reason why you should do everything he wants, but he can treat you like this. If he just leaves you because you don't sleep with him, so he in all probability didn't love you really, but just wanted to use you for his fun.
I see it as best for you not beeing with this man anymore. You deserve something much better than this.
Hope you will go soon over this and find you way and I wish you all the best!
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (16 April 2007):
 You and ONLY you choose when and who you sleep with. Someone who uses physical violence should not be tolerated to any extent. If he loved you he would of understood your reluctance to sleep with him. Being a virgin is nothing to ashamed about, myself only a few years ago. Everyone has their right to wait for the right person to sleep with; yours will come when you least expect it.
You need to be able to trust the person you sleep with and it sounds like you chose right on this occassion. This person clearly needs some professional help to deal with his anger management and relationship issues.
This is NOT your fault, dont think that please. This guy obviously was'nt the one for you and that happens even if you did love him with all your heart.
His family seem supportive and understanding of all this so use that. Never let anyone treat you like that again, no matter what the situation may be. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour and you are worth more than that.
You showed your commiment to him and all he could do was hurt you, surely that shows that he was'nt the one for you.
Again, this is not your fault. x
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