A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:how do you know when a relationship has run its course??me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 3 yrs, its our first proper relationship and i always thought of us as a strong couple. weve had our ups and downs, weve been through alot together and when we're out with other couples who are so insecure in eachothers love, it always makes us realise how good things are between us. we trust eachother, we dont have to be around eachother 24/7, we talk about everything, rarely argue, we have mutual friends who we can go out with together but not feel like we have to be stuck to eachothers sides all night, and we have our own friends we can spend time with.the problem is, lately, ive been having some issues of my own. just within myself, im not a secure person. ive put on a little weight which hasnt gone unnnoticed by my boyfriend, and although he says it doesnt mean he doesnt love me, he honestly told me he thinks i look better slimmer. it sounds reasonable enough but it hit me like a tonne of bricks. i used to love shopping for clothes, now i cant stand it. i hate looking at pictures of myself, i hate looking in the mirror. when were together i hate taking my clothes off. he recently told me ive lost some of the weight, and how he thought i looked nice in what i was wearing. i didnt know hhow to react. to read this you'd think ive become overweight. ive actually gone from a size 12 to a size 14. and i am trying to lose the weight, ive just been ill recently and its been hard.because of my problems, its been causing friction between us. last week we drunkenly broke up, but after talking about it we realised whats been going wrong in our relationship and promised to fix our faults and try again.whats bugging me is that i know i love him, but being around him doesnt make me as happy as i used to. he agreed last week that he'd try to be more complimentary and encouraging, but tonight, as a joke, he told me he was bored with me, and that im stupid. usually i would take it as a jokebut it really hurts me that he knows how messed up im feeling at the moment and joke or not, it got me thinking am i boring him? am i that dumb? and its really affected me.i dont know whether it means were coming to the end of the relationship, or its me and my stupid messed up head thats messing things up.i dont wanna lose him but i dont know whether i can be around him at the moment. hes a very close family friend, and to finish would make it so awkward for other family members. i dont know what to do.should i end it? or should i stay and try and solve my own issues? i seriously love him.
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broke up, drunk, insecure, overweight Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto haydi6- i have been dieting, i have been going to the gym and also taking up classes. i am trying, but hes very focused on how much weight hes lost recently and hoow much ive put on. ive been sick for a couple of weeks, i havent been able to get out of bed some days never mind get to the gym. im trying, but im sensitive. i just need to know is my behaviour and my issues the reason were not enjoying the relationship? should it end or how can i change my mindframe?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): You need to talk to him about how you feel... That really is the best way to sort anything out. If you're regularly having sex with this guy you should be open enough with him to be honest about your insecurities. I know this is something that comes with age and being comfortable within yourself, but you really should try and talk to him. I share every single thought with my partner, its like no other relationship I had ever had. I knew I had to be able to be completely honest about everything when we started to plan our futures together, and it is definitely the best way to be.
And I would honestly think about maybe going on a small diet if when you look at yourself you feel disgusted. Just a little will power and you can easily get the weight off healthily.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (11 September 2009):
 ending your relationship wont help things much you'll probably be depressed and put on more weight.Your bfs joking is his way of dealing with the stress of the situation.
Your weight gain seems to be an issue for your guy,but hes does not seem to be taking an active role in helping you loose it.
I would suggest joining a gym your guy can go to.
Your insecurities everyone is in secure some people are just better at hiding it, the guy driving the $80,000 car probably around 140,000 euros is masking his insecurities becuse whats the point of having a car that goes 250 mph. when your stuck in traffic most of the time and the speed limit is 30.
Counselling may help you but you gotta get to a point where your happy being you.
Well im a christian not a good one most of the time but I kno people need faith because believing you evolved from an animal doesnt help most people with most of lifes many problems but God does help he has answers and guidance.
Have you talked about marriage to this guy or are you just playing house, your young but you wont be for ever if you love this guy then you both need to be on the same page about the relationship.
Love changes it has phases and cycles i dont believe in actual love but i under stand the physical and psychological stresses and pleasures relation ships can put on you. If you feel you want to spend your life with this guy you need to iron out the wrinkles now.
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