A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a committed relationship with a man for almost 7 months. We have been trying not to put too much pressure on the relationship, however, we both made it very clear to each other that we our in love with one another and can see a future together. We spoke about enjoying the journey and not focusing on the destination.I am a 39 year old women who was married for 12 years to a man who became unfaithful after 10 years, according to what he had told me. He had admitted to sleeping with two women during our marriage and admitted that there may have been more if given the opportunity. My past makes it very difficult to trust. I have been in two long-term relationships since and have really overlooked some red flags. I thought the relationships had to work not that I wanted them to work.I told myself that I would no longer overlook red flags and that this relationship does not have to work. Today my boyfriend left his phone in the car while I was waiting his return and I heard it ring. I looked at who was calling and it was one of his son's mother's - name appeared on phone and I have already met her and did not feel threatned. However, it did result in some anxiety with me trusting him. I looked at his text messages (being snoopy - I know this is wrong) and saw messages between his older son and himself in regards to his son having a girl he referred to as just a hook up (friend of a girl that he is interested in). My boyfriend commented that the hook up must be at least cute because he recalls his hook ups (most of them) being cute. His son said Na - she's not cute. He commented "so she is ugly but has a nice personality?" His son replied yes she does. My boyfriend then asked, "And what about the Mom? Just joking!" The son replied, Ha Ha!I started to question his commitment. My boyfriend is in the final stages of his divorce from his wife of 14 years who he told me had been unfaithful. Is this a red flag?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): No, I don't think you have anything to worry about. As the previous answer said...harmless banter!
If it was a red flag, you wouldn't have to ask. You would know. And then you would have the choice of ignoring it or not.
I always try to trust people until they give me reason not to. I do not base my trust on past experiences with other individuals...If I did I would never trust anyone again, and that wouldn't be fair!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): No, not at all. I would stop snooping though if you want a healthy relationship this time around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): Sounds like harmless banter to me.
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