A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I hear quite often that when a girl meets boy in a bar or other way, and she says she only wants cuddling etc. and no sex, it is a deal breaker and he leaves. Of course I am not talking about having a long term relationship. What about if the shoe is on the other foot and it's the guy who only wants to cuddle, massage, spoon etc, would girls want to opt out, once they are already decided to go with him, because he doesn't want sex ?These days girls are told that they do not need to do anything more than they want. I have noticed that women on this forum have said it is not ok for a man to just chat up a girl, have a kiss and cuddle and then leave, but on the other hand it was different advice to females, saying that it's ok to just kiss and hug a guy and it's not leading on(seemed to be from the same responders) . Is it possibly a new type of double standard?There are I suppose 2 questions here. So you're welcome to answer one or both of course. The first is mainly for girls within 5 years of my age (24)but of course interesting to hear from anyone. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2013): Yes, there is a double standard really. Men are constantly being portrayed as sex crazed, heartless dogs, if they're not then they get labelled 'p***sy', a girl, etc etc..So some women (SOME, not all) nowadays actually think a guy is a 'real man' only when he's desperately trying to get in her pants within 2 mins of meeting her. Inerestingly, these same women will complain about never finding a nice guy. Very sad, but that's the way things are now. Some men are the same, like how some now believe that if a woman doesn't have big fake boobs and fake tan then she's ugly, but at the same time call the ones that do sluts. There will always be double standards my friend.More over, because many young (insecure) women are being influenced to think that all men are dogs, then if you DONT try anything, they will end up feeling rejected, believing you not that into her, she's ugly, or your a weirdo, or just gay. Hard to get your head around but it's the truth. If you're talking about girls who are willing to spend the night with a guy after just meeting at a bar, then to be honest they're pretty much just looking for sex, and therefore no sex would not be fulfilling to them.If you were talking about dating or a friends-with-benefits situation with purely cuddling etc. then yes I think many women may be open to it.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (12 December 2013):
 I wonder if this is our OP: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/so-girls-would-you-rather-have-a-chat.html
I guess I would need you to define what you mean by "a kiss and a cuddle." On one hand, it could be a dry light kiss of the cheek with a brief hug. On the other hand, it could be tongues in the other's mouth with hands being placed on breasts, crotches and bottoms. Those are very different.
"These days girls are told that they do not need to do anything more than they want." Are you suggesting that there were days when they were told they needed to accept whatever the boy chose to do? Isn't that basically saying that women were once required to submit to sexual assault?
What a very peculiar question.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 December 2013):
 I have not seen that here at all...
and i can't imagine there are actually that many women that go out seeking one night stands for cuddles with strange men...
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 December 2013):
 I think it's inappropriate for either party who has "just met" to seek to hurry in to an intimate bed-situation....
Sign me,
"Old Fuddy-duddy"
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 December 2013):
 "I have noticed that women on this forum have said it is not ok for a man to just chat up a girl, have a kiss and cuddle and then leave" Really? I've never seen that.
The only thing I've seen is that playing is never OK, where you tell someone you're interested in a relationship, use them for sex, and disappear.
I haven't heard any of what you're talking about being said. But I have to say if you are not looking for a one night stand, a bar is probably not the best place to look.
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