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age
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*ogan
writes:i am very attracted to a young lady working in my office as an intern.i call her to my office on any excuse i can think of. We do have long conversations about any topic that comes up.We do enjoy talking to each other i believe. My problem is how to tell her how i feel about her. i would not want her to think i'm harrassing her. i'm her boss and i'm married. Is this what they call midlife crisis... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rogan +, writes (2 November 2007):
rogan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the comments of the last anon male reader "what if it were the other way round" I'm sure the comments and advices would have been different.....In any case, Peoriaman has just shown himself to be a bigot who only sees issues from his own narrow perspective...What is his phobia with immigrants...He should know if intelligent enough that his fore fathers were immigrants too...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): I'd like to set the whole marriage issue aside for a second:
What if the younger woman was asking the question about whether she's okay in pursuing an older colleague?
Apart from the marriage issue, if the woman was doing the asking then nobody would be having any concerns about the young woman being "taken advantage of." And nobody would be saying that either one of their feelings are the result of some sort of mid-life crisis. People would be cheerleading the woman to go for it with lines like, "age isn't important if you like eachother!!!"
Funny how the older man is the advantage-taker (with a mid-life crisis) when he's pursuing a younger woman. Whereas the younger woman is just a modern liberated partner-chooser when she's pursuing an older man.
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A
male
reader, rogan +, writes (30 October 2007):
rogan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuys...I appreciate your different comments on the issue i raised most especially as they relate to having an affair with a colleague in the office as it might jeopardise the working relationship...I have never done that before though, except the one am contemplating...I am reconsidering...What i take an exception to is bias some of you have against my culture....I'll have you know that i come from a polygamous home where my father had more than one wife and there has been no issue of divorce or any related matter...the wives are also well educated for your information and we have all lived happily together...Just because you dont practice it dont mean you should condemn it....How would you like it if i condemned your culture which tolerates homosexuality which is alien to mine...So you would expect me since i stay in UK to now consider being a homosexual(peoriaman..take note)..Please lets be fair and reasonable...
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reader, Sassister  +, writes (28 October 2007):
Perhaps you should ask your wife if this is a mid-life crisis. I'm sure she would have an opinion is you gave her the opportunity to express it.
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (27 October 2007):
 Does your culture allow your wife to have more than one husband? Or is this just another case of life's not fair? Anyway, you are old enough to be able to calculate all the damagerisks here and I'm sure you'll find ways that you can feel at ease with to tell her anything you like. If not, maybe better asking your wife for advice in this matter? Hmm.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): Does your religion allow you to be a narcissist?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): About 27 years ago, I worked at a place where I became good friends with a younger, and very beautiful, woman. I was 35 and she was about 24. I helped her with things like some college courses that she was taking and talked to her about some non personal issues she had at home. She was married. When we had to work alone, she showed some affection to me, like little innocent touches and comments. I lived about 50 miles from work and one time she had a seminar near where I lived. She asked me if I would like to have dinner out that night. We did, we talked and did some shopping. Never once did I even slightly consider making a move on her. Why? She trusted me. We were friends. I greatly respected her friendship. There was no way that I could insult her by doing something that insensitive. There was not a great difference between our ages, but when you have someones trust and friendship, it is TOTALLY irresponsible to use that trust for your benefit, with no regard for the other persons feelings. Not to mention all of the legal issues that dapone mentioned.
As others have said, if your marriage is not good, then get out of it and look for someone who you cannot pressure into an affair. Look for someone who you can have a responsible relationship with. DO NOT HURT THIS WOMAN.
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male
reader, rogan +, writes (27 October 2007):
rogan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJeez!!! Guys....I've not done anything yet..only seeking ur advice on how to broach the subject....In any case my culture allows me to have more than one wife and it will not be a problem at home
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reader, Basschick  +, writes (26 October 2007):
 Let me tell you from a voice of experience, please do NOT do this to her. She may only be entertaining you with these little conversations because you are her boss and nothing more. When I was younger, I worked for a dentist. He was 38 and I was 23. I liked him. He was funny. He seemed young at heart and he was fun to work around. But I never have sexual or romantic feelings for him. I just liked him as a person. He was a big cut up around the office. He was also married and had two kids. Apparently, his office antics were more than just fun. Turns out we was quite attracted to me and later disclosed this to me, much to my horror. Working together after that became uncomfortable and impossible because he didn't take my rejection well. I later quit and have avoided him ever since. Whatever you're going through in your life, boredom, mid-life crisis, or psychosis, don't ruin her life, or the good job she may have working for you. Just let it pass.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): Poor girl. I feel for her being put in this position. I highly doubt she is interested in sleeping with you, seeing as you are her MARRIED BOSS. I'd like to believe that people have more sense than to do that. To confess your feelings to her would ruin her life- she'd be nervous around you, confused, she'd feel pressured because you are in a position of power and ultimately she might decide to either press charges or leave the company (derailing her own career). Don't do that to her.Secondly, your poor wife. You don't once mention how this would affect her. You seem to view her as an obstacle to this woman rather than as a person with whom you have built a life, and promised to be faithful to, and love and cherish. She is a person who deserves your respect and fidelity.There is nothing more moronic than trying to cheat on your spouse. If you no longer want to be with her, do the right thing- be a man and get a divorce OR attend counselling. Don't be cowardly- you can't have your cake and eat it too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): I think you should move onto another job! This one has run its course. What if she cites you for sexual harassment? How will your marriage cope with that? What if your wife finds out what you are up to? Why are you putting your marriage at risk for the hots over another female. Get a grip man and stop being such a fool. How would you feel if you found out your wife was carrying on like this, gutted!!! Yes, it is not nice! Walk away now while you still can.
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female
reader, need help here i am +, writes (26 October 2007):
are you not happy with your marridge?
i think that you should get over this woman at work as she might not be interested in you but even if she is do you want to hurt your wifes feelings is it worth breaking a prommis breakin vows and breaking someones heart just so you could have a chance with one woman and the relationship might only last for a few months so dont even try to have one with her back away now and just forget about her or cheat on your wife and be a discrace for the rest of your life. its up to you just do whatever you want to do just think about the rest of your life first
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reader, dapone 1 +, writes (26 October 2007):
 hi.
no i do not think you have the mid life crises, i think you have what they call: flushing my whole life, job, career and marriage down the toilet crises,in one easy lesson.
have you ever heard of the domino affect, in your case it would work something like this,i call young woman into my office, i tell her about my feelings to wards her, bare in mind, she has only come to my office because i am her boss, and she respects and trusts me because of my position in the company.
I have just told her how i feel, O dear she has just run out of office crying,get phone call next day she gone on sick for two weeks, four days later get a letter a legal letter stating i have a harassed my employee, she taking you to the cleaners for damages.
you attend informal meeting, company heavy fine, you have to pay her compensation on top of fine,what can go wrong next you think,press find out all over papers,if it is your own company, loss of orders bankrupt, but if you work for some one else they will fire you straight away.
wife reads news paper takes you for everything you have left house, kids, car, money.find it hard to get another job, no one will want you with this on your work record.
all the domino have fallen except, then what are you going to do with the rest of your life???.
the best thing for you to do is stay away from this girl,go home to your wife and keep all the things you have worked for all your life, even if you cheat on your wife and she will find out, woman have a feeling for this kind of thing they always now, you will still loose everything and a lot of people will be hurt through one selfish action.
i hope for your own sake that you will move this idea from your mind and continue to be just her boss.
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female
reader, rockelle +, writes (26 October 2007):
 I agree with eyeswideopen, you are playing with fire on this one. First of all you are married. Second you are her boss. There are to many things that can go wrong with this equation. If you are unhappy in your marriage get some counseling and if that doesn't work maybe you should get a divorce. But starting an affair with an employee will only cause trouble for you and for her.
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (26 October 2007):
 There are to many reasons why not to go ahead with this. One is that you work together, and that you are her boss. Work relationships are never a good idea as things can turn very uncomfortable should something start between the pair of you then for what ever reason not work out. Secondly you are already married, so ultimately you would be cheating on your wife. Forget about telling this colleague how you feel and consentrate on making your marriage work.
Good luck
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 October 2007):
 Let it go man. Yes this has mid-life crisis written all over it. You DO NOT want to be responsible for opening up this can of worms and ruining three and possibly more lives. If you no longer want to be married then fine get a divorce but do not go behind your wife's back.
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