A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm in need of some advice.There is a girl at my college that has recently caught my eye. I really know nothing about her other than she has a class after mine and likes coffee (I've seen her in the cafe). I've also seen her around campus in the library and whatnot a few times.The problem is that I am quite shy and reserved. It can take me a fair amount of time to open up to people, no matter the sex. With a woman this "getting to know you time" can be longer than with a man. Another problem is that I have no prior experience of approaching a woman before. Obviously I've read some other tips on the net but I'm looking for some more specific advice on what to do/say. I've done some brainstorming and have come up with the idea to just say "Hi, I've seen you around and I'd like to introduce myself. My name is..." After that proceed to ask her about her class she has, what she is taking or will be taking next semester, and about her major. Does this sound like a good, honest approach? If it goes well do I ask her to join me for coffee or lunch, or is it better to continue to get to know her? What are some ways to psyche myself up so that I don't chicken out (again)?Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): Women love confidence. Therefore, it is less important what you say and more important how you approach her. In a confident manner, simply saying, "Hey, what's up ... I'm ______" would work. Also, you could follow up with anything related to taking classes, drinking coffee, etc. Make it brief ... catch her attention ... and then move on like you have something important to do (which you hopefully do). Be more frequent in your approaches rather than trying to start off with some 10-15 minute mini conversation. The key is confidence. Work on that first. Practice at home with a friend or alone and even if you don't feel confident when the actually event transpires, pretend. Women want security and so they desire men who are confident because it makes them feel secure. Women are already insecure by nature so they don't want an insecure man to have to worry about. We have enough anxiety on our own. Which leads me to my next point ... make her laugh if you can. It helps us to forget our worries/anxiety when we laugh.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): Approach her in a friendly way but not like a stalker. LOL! Girls are always scared of stalkers. You can probably frequent the place she goes but not in a scary way. Probably you can "accidentally" bump into her sometime and make some small conversations like "I seem to see you around this coffee shop often". After that, proceed to your small talk. Try to make things as natural as possible. Start of as a casual friend. Perhaps you might wanna look into her social circle. Its easier for you to get to know her through a friend.
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