A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend moved out and to another city to be closer to his children from first marriage. Job prospects also better for him there. He told me he wants me to move too and be with him, as long as I get a job and pay my own way within a month or two of arriving, he'll support me for a short while only. I own property and a business where I currently live.I don't think this is a great offer, is it?
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 I see, so in your case you need some assurance that this is going to be "to death do us part". In that case, I would be wondering where that engagement ring is, if he says he wants to marry you.
It's also noted that you sometimes helped out in paying most of the bills when he was unable to. How many months out of those 2 years would you say you had to fork over more than your share for the bills? He should only repay you by letting you not have a job for a while(if his salary will support the both of you and of course pay his child support). Are you not wanting to work?
The only way how I see it's not fair, is that he should be proposing to you. You need a higher level of commitment from him in order to move. I would really sit him down and discuss this marriage bit.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): Some more information:
We lived together for about 2 years untuil he left a month ago. During that time we lived in my house and were supposed to share expenses but he was sometimes not able to contribute due to monthly maintenance and additonal childcare costs which arose - then I would pay most of the bills. His kids live with the ex-wife and would visit us during holidays as they lived in another city. We spoke of marriage often but he never actually proposed.
His kids were having behavioural problems and he was not earning a very good income, so he wanted to move to their city were he could be more involved in their lives and he has also start earning more.
He told me that he had to leave for his childrens' sake and for work, but that he loved me and wanted to marry me, but that I would have to pay my own way - yes, even if we married. I have never been married and have no children or other dependants. I loved him very much and got along well with the children.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (21 February 2011):
Actually since you two aren't married, I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to contribute your shared amount in the household you to will be living in. It should be evenly split down the middle. He's also offering to support you financially for a short while until you can obtain a job.
Although, right now you currently have it made by owning your property and business. You would have to start from scratch if you moved to be with your boyfriend.
How long have you two been together? Are you in love with him? Is there any talk of marriage, any kind of shared future?
Personally, I wouldn't want to start over. I mean it's probably taken you quite a while and hard work to get where you are today. You would be trading that in for a man who may or may not be in your future. That's a big risk to take.
First, I would do a LDR and see how that goes, then hire someone to run your business while you are away. Perhaps, rent out your property as well. That way if anything happens you have something to fall back on.
Also, if this doesn't sound like that great of an idea to you then it's best to hold off for now.
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