A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for a little less than a year now. Everything has been wonderful. He's sweet and kind, he loves doing things for me, we have tons of things in common and we have so much fun when we are together. About a two months ago, I was offered the opportunity to come to Spain for work. He and I talked it over and decided that I should go eventhough I didn't really want to but it was a great opportunity and he didn't want to be the reason I didn't take it.Before I left, he bought me flowers and spent $150 (money he really doesn't have) on a ring for me. We talked about living together when I get back. We were really wrapped up in each other and we both were "happy" - with us at least. He just started a new job, reconnected with his 5 year old daughter, he's struggling through school and has a lot of financial stress in his life. I too have my own issues about my life direction etc.Nevertheless I came to Spain and things were going really well for the first 3 weeks. We still talked about moving in when I got home. We emailed, talked on the phone, and skyped quite alot. About 3 weeks ago, he really started to sound depressed. I tried to talk to him about it and he said that it's because things are hard but it'll be ok and i"ll be home soon. Then things really changed. I went through a rough patch with being unhappy being in Spain and getting sick all the time etc and because i clung so much during it, I decided to give him some space. I figured after a day or 2 he'd call. He didn't. So I wrote him an email telling him that it was hurting me that he wouldn't talk to me about what was going on but I was there for him and would be home soon and that I loved him.He came back telling me he needed MORE space. That things were too "up in the air" right now and he needed to figure out the point in life. Now he's telling me that he doesn't think he's ready for a serious relationship right now. I am completely distraught over this. I still love him more than anything. I go home in 2 weeks and we are currently "on a break" but he has stopped talking to me, and won't really talk when we do. When I ask questions he says I'm pushing him. Is this the distance? Or really over? Is it possible that he could change his mind about this so fast?
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a break, depressed, flowers, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): It could be the distance. He sounds like the type who wants to keep his problems bottled up rather than talk about them. When you are back things may well get easier, pop in to see him but don't raise all the issues he's facing or talk about your own problems - if he wants to talk to you about them then he will.
Maybe he just needs to get the rest of his life sorted out before he can resume a relationship with you, so give it some time. If there are still no signs of things picking up then you may need to consider moving on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): Maybe he has some hidden issues that he needs to solve by himself. Perhaps its just a guy thing. Some guys cave in when they have a problem and they don't talk about it. Relax and enjoy your time-out by spending more time with yourself and doing the things you love to do. If he really loves you, he'll hang on to you. Let's be realistic if your love can't even survive for 3 weeks, how do you expect it to last for a lifetime. Before you know it, both of you will perhaps have jobs like this in the future in which you need to go to another place for weeks. If he's that volatile, its pretty hard to form a stable relationship.
p/s: give him a time limit, say about a month or so. If he doesn't get back to you....... let's just say he's not really that into you.
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