A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need a pep talk here.): Brace yourselves, it's a long story!btw, hi. Sorry if its hard to read, it's 2AM here.I was supposed to attend a college somewhere on the east coast to be with my boyfriend at the time. Let's say his name's Abe. I had already paid the tuition fee and was on my way to graduating high school to attend and be with him. But, a few months before graduating, he told me that he didn't want me there and that he wanted to break up.Naturally, I was devastated. I thought Abe could have been the one for me. He was the person I depended on (rebound i guess you could say) after my really hard break up the year before, with a boy I had been with for 4 years. But, just because he was a rebound doesn't mean I didn't love and care for him in my own way. Anyways, at the TIME, I felt like I totally messed things up with Abe and just couldn't fix anything in my life. I was unwanted, and felt horrible for it.I decided not to go to the college on the east coast because I had other options. I had been accepted to colleges here that were a lot cheaper because they were in state, that offered the same amount of education. HOWEVER, two of my friends were upset that I wasn't attending the same college (I brought up my plans after high school of moving in with Abe, and they really wanted to tag along to the east coast for some reason and individually applied. I never pressured them) and went ahead without me.Before leaving, one of the girls wrote me a letter telling me I was a horrible friend and person and she wanted to not be friends anymore.ALSO, during this time the boy of 4 years came back, begging for a second try for which I agreed to.Fastforwarding to present now. My boyfriend of nearly 5 years has made me incredibly happy and we're already married in our hearts. I've written several apologies to the two girls explaining that I could be a better friend and that I was wrong to desert them. This went on for months until I heard they were back in town from Facebook.I was a little bit happy because I thought this would be the most appropriate time to call and ask if they wanted to go out and grab a bite or w/e and try to mend the broken bridge I thought I really f*'d up by not attending the same college. One of the girls, the one that DIDN'T write the letter appeared at my doorstep today and came clean about everything that happened during their stay on the east coast.1. She told me she didn't understand why I kept apologizing, and when I brought up the letter that the other girl wrote (lets say M now) she was really confused because she understood why I didn't go with them, but couldn't understand my guilt. 2. They never wrote back to me because M had this 'Let's not talk to her anymore' established after a lot of trash talking about me.3. M made out with Abe. Like, tried to hook up with him and etc. It even got the point where they went on dates to talk badly about me.4. M would openly call me a b*tch and Abe would too, and then he would go on insulting my breasts and how they looked. I'm a very slender 134 Asian with D's. I'm terribly proud of them but I just felt a hugeeee knock to my self esteem there. 5. I spent this entire YEAR feeling like the worst person in the WORLD because I was under the impression I single-handledly messed up my friendship with these two girls.so..here are my questions.Did I do something horribly wrong to make her that mad at me? Am I just picking out the wrong friends? Should I even TRY to make amends after what happened? (I think I sort of deserve it because I am sort of a meanie but not to the point where you would scorn me. D: )
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): Hey. I get what you're going through. I had a slightly similar thing happen where my ex boyfriend (who I still cared for) and my "friends" went off to the same college and I chose to stay down in FL. Turns out my "friends" did nothing but flirt and talk shit about me with my ex. It was a horrible experience and then I realized that these are NOT friends. I believe you did nothing wrong. At all. You are the good person here and I think you should leave those three behind (with the exception of the girl who told you you did nothing wrong). Keep living your life independently of theirs. Let karma kick their butts. Focus on your education and should they ever POP up again asking for forgiveness, don't even take a second glance and walk away. Good luck :)
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 '1. She told me she didn't understand why I kept apologizing, and when I brought up the letter that the other girl wrote (lets say M now) she was really confused because she understood why I didn't go with them, but couldn't understand my guilt. ' ...... I was thinking the same thing myself.
For the life of me I cannot figure out what you have to apologize for and why you feel the need to make amends. On top of that you've already sent letters (which makes you quite silly I'm afraid) all to no avail. There is absolutely nothing wrong with changing colleges, especially when your main reason for going to the first one no longer exists.
'Abe' and 'M' have behaved terribly and if anyone ought to be apolgizing it is them.
Your other friend, who knows you and was present when all this happened, is telling you you did nothing wrong.
Please let this go. To pursue this further only makes you look pathetic in the eyes of those you're trying to reconcile with.
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