A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:He left cause he didn't know what he wanted anymore. We still go to counseling and the counselor suggested that we start having a date night once a week. Cause how else is he suppose to figure out what he wants. The other thing he suggested is that we put a block back on his phone so he can't text females. Which I verified with him after counseling a couple days later that he was ok with that. He said yes. Well we have been having a good week so far any contact has been pleasant and the kids all took off to friends houses on Saturday night, so Sunday morning when he was supose to spend time with them they were all scattered. He asked if we could add an extra date and spend the time with me instead. I agreed and he came over for breakfast and a movie before he had to go to work. So today is his day off and tonight is our scheduled date night once a week. I texted him to say good morning and ask what he wanted to do. The replay I got was "Did you block my phone again?" When I replied yes you told me it was ok I got a 'Yup" and "it's fine!" and " I don't care anymore" It escalated from there. After a few texts back and forth I just said I am not going to fight with you so I'll talk to you later. I am assuming that now date night is off. But I know that after he cools off he will act like nothing has happened. Or he will keep this attitude until who knows when and then act like nothing has happened. We have counseling tomorrow but I am just so sick of this emotional roller coaster that I want to throw in the towel. I just don't know what to think about this problem anymore. We have been going back and forth for so long on it. Is he more angry cause he can't talk to these girls or is it a trust issue? He claims it's a trust issue but he broke the trust when the texting crossed the line. If it is so innocent then why hide it and why get so angry that you are willing to throw away you marriage over it? The trust has to be rebuilt. We have to start somewhere right?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 January 2012):
 Taking charge of his phone is doomed to fail. I'm disappointed (though not overly surprised) that your therapist was dumb enough to suggest it. I'll explain why.
The reason you don't trust your husband is because he's given you reason not to, and he isn't being given the chance to do so now. He isn't doing the brainstorming. He ins't governing his own behaviour. You're doing it for him. On top of work, housecleaning, laundry, cooking and raising children (if you have any) you're also now responsible for ensuring that he behaves himself. No wonder you feel like throwing in the towel.
There is a big difference between setting rules for him and establishing limits for yourself.
You are the only person you can really rely on, so start living YOUR life for YOU. If he wants to be a part of that life, he knows what to do or he can figure it out. He's a grown man.
Do fun things that YOU enjoy. Reconnect with distant relatives, old friends. Take up a hobby. Learn a new skill. Reinvent yourself. Inspire your husband to want to be a part of your life by showing him just how interesting, exciting, and comfortable being with you can be. Do it for yourself, not him or anyone else.
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